Are you getting in your own way?

Could our self-sabotage be due to fears of inadequacy? Fears that we are not worthy of that brilliant life we desire? Or could it be that it is success that most frightens us? PHOTO | FILE

What you need to know:

  • While I believe the devil is a real, if unseen, enemy of our soul, there are times we give him too much credit. The truth is, we often do a brilliant job of messing our own lives and then blaming it on the devil or his minions.
  • Let’s accept that most rational human beings want to live productive, fulfilling and love filled lives. What’s getting in our way? Let’s put aside the economy, the elections, our parents, nasty bosses, politicians, Donald Trump or the devil. Could the answer be staring us in the mirror?
  • That voice that is urging you forward is your evil twin, out to sabotage you. You need to recognise it, and stop it before it stops you.

“We have met the enemy and he is us.”

Walt Kelly

 

A former employee had this interesting habit of “binding” everything she did not understand. “Shetani Ashindwe!” she would say when something was not working or she witnessed a scary scene on Afrosinema. It was hilarious. Interestingly, she was not alone. Several years ago, the newspapers carried the story of a thief who made an admission of guilt to the judge and asked for leniency. His defence? “It was the devil who made me do it!”

While I believe the devil is a real, if unseen, enemy of our soul, there are times we give him too much credit. The truth is, we often do a brilliant job of messing our own lives and then blaming it on the devil or his minions. If we are not particularly religious, we blame others.

Almost all of us are master self-saboteurs even though we vehemently deny it. The most successful human beings have learnt to recognise their self sabotage patterns and then work against them. A friend of mine used to call it her evil twin. That part of her that routinely got her into trouble, or had her doing things that were not in her best self interest. When the conflict of interest arose, she would point an imaginary gun to her left shoulder and pull the imaginary trigger. Yet no matter how many times she shot her evil twin, it never seemed to die. We would laugh at the imagery, yet how true.

SELF- SABOTAGE

Consider this: You go on a shopping spree even though you are deep in debt. You go to a party when on a diet. When the doctor tells you to quit smoking, drinking or eating a particular food, your cravings become stronger. You procrastinate on an important task or report until the last possible minute and yet you have asked for a raise. That voice that is urging you forward is your evil twin, out to sabotage you. You need to recognise it, and stop it before it stops you.

Let’s accept that most rational human beings want to live productive, fulfilling and love filled lives. What’s getting in our way? Let’s put aside the economy, the elections, our parents, nasty bosses, politicians, Donald Trump or the devil. Could the answer be staring us in the mirror?

Could our self-sabotage be due to fears of inadequacy? Fears that we are not worthy of that brilliant life we desire? Or could it be that it is success that most frightens us, as Marrianne Williamson wrote in her book, A Return To Love?

She wrote, “Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you.”

Whatever the case, when we self-sabotage, we play small and refuse to acknowledge that something wonderful can come out of our lives. Alyce P. Cornyn-Selby said: “Self-sabotage is when we say we want something and then go about making sure it doesn’t happen.” If you consider all our discarded New Year Resolutions and goals, self-sabotage is probably at the centre of it. What to do?

For starters, we need to identify our sabotage patterns in every sphere of our lives. We need to accept that it is not merely enough to want something if our actions are not choosing it. Good intentions, we are told, are the pavement to hell. We have to turn our good intentions into habits that we choose daily, minute by minute. We have to do the thing we don’t really want to do but need to do for our future sake. We have to wake up when we would rather sleep in, work-out when we would rather crash on the sofa and save when we would rather spend. There are no short-cuts to an amazing life. We have to commit to doing the hard thing on our path. Everyday. If we don’t, we will waste the day, the opportunity, the moment, and in the end, we will have wasted our lives. Thanks to the enemy within.