Bouncing back agenda

Renowned American singer Whitney Houston was self-abusive, self-destructive and suicidal risk. She suffered depression related illness that led to her death in 2012. PHOTO | FILE

What you need to know:

  • I know what you’re thinking. You have likely seen my Instagram feed. My beautifully curated Facebook page. Nothing about my social media shows cracks in the facade.
  • Severe burnout was diagnosed in tandem with severe anxiety and severe depression. I quit my job to take care of myself. My career requires me to work exceptionally hard at always looking great.
  • At feeling awesome-worthy on the red carpet, on TV, for all the prolific and high society events I can muster. The ones I actually show up to. That I wear something fabulous in trendy makeup. Fake it, fake it, fake it.

I have a confession. I have been living with depression since age 16. I am 39. That is half my life.

It is the not-getting-out-of-bed-darkened-room, “Eew food!”, pinging between hypersomnia and prescription-strength sleeping pills, stewing in clothes for days kind of fever. Deadlines become things I have to swim through molasses to get to.

I know what you’re thinking. You have likely seen my Instagram feed. My beautifully curated Facebook page. Nothing about my social media shows cracks in the facade. Except there are chasms and chinks filled with pure SSRIs. I spent up to three hours getting ready each morning.

My smokey eyes darker to hide shadows. I looked, and felt, like a sour raccoon. Figuring out what to wear was an energy sap. My hair proved equally agitated, spiky and pointy where I desired to achieve a soft, sweet, rounded cloud.

Severe burnout was diagnosed in tandem with severe anxiety and severe depression. I quit my job to take care of myself. My career requires me to work exceptionally hard at always looking great. At feeling awesome-worthy on the red carpet, on TV, for all the prolific and high society events I can muster. The ones I actually show up to. That I wear something fabulous in trendy makeup. Fake it, fake it, fake it.

I met a stunning naturalista blogger at a hair event. She asked me why there are no videos or pictures before and after getting my face beat, why I never show the messy process of colouring, braiding or shampooing my (in)famous red hair, why my images are so perfect, I literally come across as ice-queen intimidating.

“I am not Snapchat-savvy,” I said. “I consider going to the salon an experience,” I added. There are already so many of those videos anyway, I insisted. I knew I was too invested in my filtered life because every day felt like a gritty underbelly. The truth is that  every woman has those difficult, crushing moments in life.

COMMON CONDITION

Maybe it was a rough childbirth, surgery, a bad break up, a bedridden pregnancy, getting fired or retrenched, a failing or failed business, can’t seem to find a job, burnt out so spectacular you question if you are the match or the ashes. Life can do a number on you. Forget swiping lipstick. You barely iron your clothes and speak in grunts. Bouncing back is nowhere on the agenda.

World Health Organisation is on a one year worldwide campaign on depression. They identify it as the leading cause of ill health and disability with over 300 million people presently living with depression.

This includes highly accomplished fashion designers, fashion insiders and fashion models who admit to donning masks to make way through their lives. People we follow on social media thinking they have perfect lives we wish we had.

Beyond Alexander McQueen’s suicide, Tom Ford runs a billion dollar empire with 122 stores. He spoke to Hollywood reporter about his depression. He sees a therapist two to three times a week and relies on sleeping pills or tranquilisers to sleep. He contemplated suicide at age eight saying depression “is a very big factor of my life.”

Cara Delevingne, second highest earning model has been suicidal, had a nervous breakdown, on medication and still battles depression.

Renowned American singer Whitney Houston was self-abusive, self-destructive and suicidal risk. She suffered depression related illness that led to her death in 2012.

In 2011 Balmain’s Christophe Decarnin abruptly quit. When he was a no-show at his own show during Paris Fashion Week he was rumoured to have had a mental breakdown. 34 year old Renee Kounis handled her depression by creating an active-wear line, Neyku. Pyer Moss’ A/W 2016 runway show was styled by Erykah Badu.

Models wore sweatshirts reading “Why So Blue” and “Suffer No More.” In November 2016 BoF wrote an article, Does Fashion Have A Mental Health Problem? Citing the industry “emphasis on perfection, narrow definition of beauty, somewhat necessary itinerary of social events, high energy required for constant activity and living the lifestyle.”

 

Reviver to firmer foundation

  • Medical professionals love the phrase ‘self-care.’ To struggling women it means little. Yet, when well-understood, it is the ultimate reviver.

  • A two-minute once-a-day skin care routine, hair appointments one feels compelled to stick to, a confidence-inducing dress; these slowly, steadily help one emerge from an inner state so dark it forever alters you, your relationship with yourself, beauty even your mind. 

  • Plummeting to the lowest lows is soul-crushing. But it is best viewed as a gift allowing you to rebuild on firmer foundation. 

  • True solutions are not immediate when wrung from your depths, even style-related ones. It is amazing how intertwined mental health and our appearance is.

  • Covering mirrors and going out of your way to avoid your reflection, foetal position when confronted with getting dressed; whatever is not normal for you when weighed against what used to be normal could be you sinking into trouble and needing help. Trust me, you will be happier that you did.