MEN&WOMEN: Bring back the spark to your love life

Saturday November 11 2017

You talk a lot all day. At work, to your

You talk a lot all day. At work, to your customers, classmates, friends, and even strangers. But once you get home, you go quiet. ILLUSTRATION| IGAH 

By CHRIS HART
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You talk a lot all day. At work, to your customers, classmates, friends, and even strangers. But once you get home, you go quiet.

Maybe you don’t even greet your partner. You’re tired and just want to unwind and relax. It’s understandable, but it will soon start to damage your relationship.

Because you’re not saying “I love you” as much as you should. You’ve become wary of getting into arguments, so you don’t speak up when your feelings are hurt.

You’re forever getting lost in your day-to-day tasks and have started to neglect your spouse. Soon they’re feeling lonely and unloved, and start to wonder whether your marriage is going to last.

So start saying “I love you” a lot! It’s all too easy to forget to say those simple words. But if you don’t say them often to your partner, they’ll start to wonder whether the love you used to share is still there. So look your partner in the eye and say “I love you” like you mean it at the slightest excuse.

Compliment them. It’s such an easy way to let your partner know that you appreciate them. Feeling appreciated is one of our deepest human needs, so compliments are valued: “You look good!” “That was a lovely meal!” While negative  comments cut deep, and aren’t easily forgiven.

“How was your day?” Be each other’s five minute therapist. Make a habit of having a cup of tea as soon as you’re both home together and tell each other all about the irritations that messed up your day. Those few minutes will reconnect you emotionally after your day apart and really improve your evening. 

Right back at the very beginning of your relationship, you greeted each other every night and morning.

But gradually your morning “hello” and evening “good night” faded away. Bring them back — and add in some cuddling and kissing!

Say what you really want. Be direct about what you need in your relationship and say what you want from your other half. Hints are usually missed. And no-one can read minds. So speak up about whatever you need.

You want to make love? Say so! Say when your partner hurts your feelings.

Even though it can be hard, you need to tell your partner how you feel. Keeping these feelings bottled up will eventually lead to a really nasty outburst.

Do you have a have a hard time saying sorry? There’s nothing more frustrating than being with a partner who won’t own up to their mistakes. If you never say sorry, the chances are that your partner will be building up serious resentments.

Spend time planning and reminiscing. Revisit the moment you both knew you were falling in love.

Talk about how you want your lives to go together. And gradually you’ll bring the spark back into your relationship.