You don’t know my faith, I don’t know yours; spare me the testimony!

A street preacher reacts angrily at Gor Mahia fans who broke into songs and dance distracting her listeners on May 12,2013. I have a problem with is people who impose their salvation on you. Why would you feel the need to go around greeting people you don’t know with a “Praise God brethren!” kind of greeting? PHOTO | FILE

What you need to know:

  • “Yes I have rice my sister, praise God for the one who gave you my number – I have been in this business for two years now, and I must say that I have seen the hand of God …” she continued.
  • Don’t get me wrong, I have no problem praising God – I pray daily and make a point of going to church every Sunday, and enjoy the sermons immensely. In fact, by the end of those two hours, I normally feel refreshed and uplifted, ready to face the week with renewed motivation.

A few days ago, I had an interesting phone conversation with a stranger. I have to say, though, that I use the word “interesting” for lack of an appropriate word.

Earlier, I had been talking to a friend when the conversation veered to how the cost of living had shot up.

When she mentioned that she knew someone who sold good quality rice at a much lower price than what I would get at my local supermarket, I readily asked her for the phone number.

When we parted ways, I called the number, which was immediately answered by a woman who said, “Praise the Lord,” as a way of greeting. Caught offguard by this unusual greeting from someone I did not know, I paused for a few seconds, only for the voice to insist again, “Praise the Lord …” Still off balance, I said a tentative “hello”, introduced myself, and told her that I wanted to buy rice from her. Did she have it, and how much was a kilo going for?

MTUMISHI MARY

“Yes I have rice my sister, praise God for the one who gave you my number – I have been in this business for two years now, and I must say that I have seen the hand of God …” she continued, going on and on about the many “pits” and “traps” set by the devil that the “mighty hand of God” had delivered her from and ensured that her business prospered.

I was stunned, I mean, I had simply called to find out whether she would sell me rice, and here she was, giving me a “testimony” I had not asked for, and to make it worse, using my airtime to do it.

Don’t get me wrong, I have no problem praising God – I pray daily and make a point of going to church every Sunday, and enjoy the sermons immensely. In fact, by the end of those two hours, I normally feel refreshed and uplifted, ready to face the week with renewed motivation.

What I have a problem with is people who impose their salvation on you. Why would you feel the need to go around greeting people you don’t know with a “Praise God brethren!” kind of greeting?

It wouldn’t be odd if you were in a church setting, or amongst a familiar group with whom you share a common faith, however, it is mighty strange if you greet everyone you come across with an energetic “halleluiah!”

So, anyway, when I finally recovered, I cut her short and asked her once again whether she had rice, and how much she was selling it.

“My sister, I am a woman of God, so you can be sure that I will give you a good deal … ask anyone who knows me, they will tell you that mtumishi Mary is honest …”

At that point, I decided that I didn’t want her rice. To tell the truth, I have always been suspicious of people who invoke the name of God too liberally – it reeks of pretentiousness. Here was someone who was going out of her way to assure me that she was not a crook, yet I hadn’t accused her of being one. I cut her short again, and being the hopelessly polite person that I am, I told her I would call her back, and then hang up.

SUFFICIENT GRACE

About a year ago, I bumped into a high school classmate in town. After the usual pleasantries, I mentioned that she was well dressed, only for her to reply, “It’s the grace of God …” If you asked me, good old “thank you” would have more than sufficed.

Imagine having a conversation like this with a friend you haven’t seen for a while:

You: Hi Esther, good to see you – how have you been?

Esther: His grace is sufficient, I cannot complain.

You: That is good … how are your children? They must be big now …

Esther: When you place your hope in man, you will get disappointed, but if you trust in God, you will never be disappointed – my family and I are eternally blessed.

You: Okay … I heard that your mother was unwell, how is she now?

Esther: No weapon ranged against her shall prosper, not even the weapon of illness …

You: Okay, it was good meeting you, have a good day.

Esther: Amen!

Did you learn anything from that conversation? Me neither.

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FEEDBACK

I find that my orientation is awry. I found that I read those maps opposite or upside down.

Winnie

I cannot fathom the maps too. I turn them on all sides but still do not get it. Guess what? I cannot read a house plan too. I am a fairly intelligent woman too, and we certainly are not dimwits. I think something was not activated in our brains or people make those maps and house plans unnecessarily complicated.

Wachuka

Most of the maps printed on wedding cards appear to be drafted by amateurs and may be very unhelpful if well-known landmarks are not included. But then, not everyone is good at geography.

Mwangi

I also do not bother with maps. If the host can send someone to stand in the middle of the road near the gate, that will be highly appreciated. And depending on how “complicated” the directions are, I may need to go there several times – not three...?

Lucy

I cannot distinguish north from south or left from right. I prefer stopping by the roadside to ask pedestrians who are always eager to direct me. I tried that in South Africa though and the experience was not very nice.

Karanja

My key advice to map or plan reading is: always locate the north direction and place or align the map to the north. This makes it easier to interpret. You can make use of your phone’s GPRS app to show the north and align it with a map or plan for ease of taking direction.

Mwenda

I think some of these issues are simply not wired in some of us.

Wilson

I cannot read maps too and I have always been slightly embarrassed as I felt it reflected on my intelligence or lack there of but now I know it is just that my brain processes information differently.

Caroline

Those maps on the back of wedding cards are the most misleading directions ever.

Alex

If I were lost and someone gave me a map, I would be all the more lost.

Nancy

I had a similar issue with maps and I must confess this put paid to my dreams of a certain career despite my prowess in the other technical fields involved.

Sammy