Raising children the right way

We all want the best for our children. So we work hard to give them all the things we missed when we were young. But all those gizmos and designer clothes are soon forgotten. Buying them stuff is fun, of course. But helping them develop good attitudes and values is far more important. And will last their whole lives.

So set high educational standards for yourself. Because your children will strive to reach the same education level as you. Be flexible but firm, with clear expectations for their conduct and behaviour. Then they’ll become well adjusted, resilient and responsible.

Limit the technology in their lives. Because all those videos, messages and Facebook updates will reduce their school marks. Help them control their impulses, because that will make them more socially competent, trustworthy and dependable. Explain that nothing worth having ever happens quickly. And how good it feels to master difficult skills.

Don’t be overprotective. Because children need to learn how to fend for themselves. Or they’ll have a hard time adjusting to the real world when they grow up.

NEW CONNECTIONS

Explain to your children that what really makes you successful is being focused and hardworking. So encourage them to work at the things they enjoy. And teach them to persevere. For example by praising their efforts in school and not their grades! Then they’ll work even harder. Especially once they understand that their intelligence is not fixed, but can be increased.

Tell them that’s because learning creates new connections in the brain, and that working hard at new stuff is what makes it happen. Once schoolchildren understand this, their marks start to improve. Especially if you always encourage them to stick at stuff until they succeed. Because it takes time and effort to master a skill. And it’s only when they see that they’re becoming good at something, that they start to develop self-motivation.

How you talk about their failures is important. Because your comments gradually become that little voice in their head. That builds them up - or puts them down. So your constructive reaction to a failure encourages them to try again. To keep going when things get tough, and to work even harder. They’ll gradually start seeing challenges as opportunities. And won’t fear failure.

But if you give them a hard time whenever they fail, then their self-talk will soon be telling them that no amount of effort will make any difference. That if they can’t do something now, then they’ll never be able to do it. So why bother? They’ll think every failure’s a sign that they don’t have the intelligence to succeed. And so they gradually give up.

So if your children come home with poor marks, discuss what to do about it positively. Do they need to study more? Differently? Ask more questions? Practice? Guide them towards the right approach, and they’ll do better next time.