Smart ways to improve your socialising skills

We’re usually uncomfortable meeting strangers. The trick’s telling yourself that you already like them. Just that thought alone will hugely improve your unconscious body language, and you’ll both enjoy yourselves more. ILLUSTRATION | IGAH

What you need to know:

  • People will warm to you more quickly if you subtly match their body language and speaking style. And if you replay key points that they make, in your own words. They’ll think you’re really interested in them - and a good listener.
  • Do you have difficulty remembering names? The moment you’re introduced, repeat their name. And go on using it throughout the conversation. They’ll also think that you’re showing a very positive interest in them.

We all enjoy socialising with friends. Even networking has it’s fun side. And dating’s another whole story! But socialising can also be stressful. So are there any techniques that make social situations easier? 

There certainly are!

Like we’re usually uncomfortable meeting strangers. The trick’s telling yourself that you already like them. Just that thought alone will hugely improve your unconscious body language, and you’ll both enjoy yourselves more.

Disturbing a group in the middle of their conversation often works out badly. So as they notice you approaching, watch how they react. If only their heads move, it means you’re interrupting something. Walk on by like you never intended to join them. But if their feet turn towards you, it means you’re welcome.

If a conversation starts to become tense, move next to your partner rather than facing them. You’ll seem less of a threat, and they’ll start to calm down. If someone insults you, ignore them. Never lose your temper or argue. The world’s full of trolls, and the best way to deal with them is to avoid reacting at all.

POSITIVE INTEREST

Maybe you need a favour? Start directly with ‘I need your help,’ and you’re more likely to get it. Because people feel guilty when they don’t help someone out. You’re also more likely to get a favour if they’re done something for you before. Called the Benjamin Franklin effect, it’s a great trick when meeting someone new. Somehow get them to buy you a drink, and they’ll be more likely to invest in the new relationship. 

People will warm to you more quickly if you subtly match their body language and speaking style. And if you replay key points that they make, in your own words. They’ll think you’re really interested in them - and a good listener.

Check whether they’re following your conversation by changing your position slightly. If they’re paying attention, they’ll mimic your move. Figure out who likes who in a group by watching who they look at when they’re laughing. People instinctively look at the one they feel closest to.

You want someone to agree with you? Nod very slightly while you’re speaking. They’ll unconsciously start thinking that they like what they’re hearing.

Do you have difficulty remembering names? The moment you’re introduced, repeat their name. And go on using it throughout the conversation. They’ll also think that you’re showing a very positive interest in them.

Don’t feel embarrassed by pauses. Like if you ask a question and don’t get a complete answer, just wait. Chances are they’ll continue. Your pause communicates confidence and interest - and that you’re someone who usually gets what you want.

People rarely remember the details of a conversation. But they always remember how you made them feel. So communicate enthusiasm, excitement and humour. Look confident, even if you’re not, with good posture and direct eye contact. Show lots of interest in your companion, and before you know it, you’ll have made a new friend.