What I would tell those in their 20s about life

I recently attended the graduation of a group of young adults from a life mentorship programme run by my friend.

Every year she takes in a group of young adults, many of whom are in university, and coaches them on life skills.  Most of us are trained on how to make a living. That’s what formal education is for. Few of us are trained on how to make a life.

As I sat there watching each of the graduands receive their commendation and certificates, I couldn’t help remembering how different it was for me at that age.

Back then, mentorship was not the buzzword it has become, and most of us were mentored informally, primarily on career progression. Few of us were mentored on life.

As a result, we stumbled along, making it up as we went along. We learnt the hard way, in the school of hard knocks and experience. As I think back to my 20-year-old self, this is what the older me would have told her during our mentorship sessions.

Don’t work hard, work harder

Back then, working smart was a popular catchphrase. So why did I keep falling flat on my face when I tried it? Now I know that there is a time to work smart. But it comes later. After you have put in your time. Lots of it.

What Malcolm Gladwell called the 10,000-hour rule to mastery. Working smart is not about working less hours. It is about being strategic in how you do what you do for the best results. It is not about slacking off, missing work and sipping martinis on the beach.

Fortunately, in your 20s you can afford to burn the candle on both ends. You can get away with five hours of sleep and still look like nothing happened the next day. What you do not have in life smarts, you have in boundless energy. Direct it appropriately and use it.

Don’t let your heart take you where your head won’t go
Ah the folly of youth. The thrill of love. Some people spend more time preparing for an interview than interviewing the person who they will spend the rest of their life with.

Debarge sang, “The heart is not so smart”, and it is true. We meet people, and allow our passions to lead us where devils fear to tread. All in the name of love. If you are 20 and reading this, know this. There is time.

Get to know as much as possible about the person you will give your life and heart to. Do not just wing it because they look like Idriss Elba or Megan Markle.

Don’t sleep, drink or eat all you can
Mama was right. Everything is good in moderation. Just because it’s there or it’s free, doesn’t mean it’s great for you. And if a little of it is great for you, it doesn’t mean more of the same will be.

If you are to find success, you must become, as William Ernest Henley wrote, “the master of your fate and the captain of your soul”. You must know when enough is enough.

Don’t forget the people who will cry at your funeral
It’s easy to put the people who matter most to us on the back burner of life. It’s easy to treat strangers better than your loved ones. It’s easy to take your family for granted. Don’t do it.

Think about the people who will cry at your funeral. Make them happy today. Put them first, everyday. Practice kindness and loving mindfulness with your dear ones. Make it your life’s goal to make them happy.

Don’t take yourself too seriously
Living is serious business and it’s easy to get so wrapped up in school, work and raising a family. Laugh. Preferably everyday. Play often. There is a child inside everyone of us. Allow him or her to go out and play every once in a while.

What ever else you do, don’t ignore the Man Upstairs
He is worth more than a hurried minute at your bedtime. Cultivate your spirituality. Read your Bible or Quran. Pray. Meditate. Work at it. Life is harder without a strong faith to sustain you, especially during life’s trials. In the final analysis, your life will boil down to what you make of it, and what you make of yourself.
 
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