MWALIMU ANDREW: Fiolina rejects my new rules of engagement to save our marriage

Following the tussle between Kuya and I at school over the laugh of my life, the matter became a topic of discussion at Mwisho wa Lami’s Bunge la Mwananchi – aka Hitler’s. I had tried to ensure the matter remains secret but since a few women were involved, it soon became a hot Mwisho wa Lami topic.

“Kuya ako na bahati huyo hakuwa bibi yangu,” said Nyayo. “Angekuwa anazikwa leo.” That was last Tuesday.  “Ukijifungia na Anindo kwa room hapo nitakumaliza.”

“Vijana wa siku hizi you have jokes,” said Alphayo. “Why do you want your wife to work like you?” he wondered. He added that a man should be the provider of the family and the wife should always remain at home taking care of the family.  “Kwanza wewe Andrea na mshahara kubwa wacha bibi akae nyumbani,” he told me.

Most of the patrons disagreed with him, saying that it was important for women to also work, but they were all agreed that it was wrong for Fiolina and I to teach in the same school.

“Makosa sio Fionila kufanya kazi,” said Rasto. “Makosa ni kufanya kazi ofisi moja na Andrea.” Everyone agreed with this, except Nyayo.

“Mwanaume anafaa kukuwa na siri,” said Rasto. “Utakuwaje na siri kama mnaenda ofisi moja na bibi kila siku?”

Nyayo disputed this, saying that if you had a beautiful and educated wife like Fiolina, it was necessary to keep a close eye on her. “Kuna mafisi huko nje,” he said. “Huyo ni bibi lazima umchunge kila saa. Unaweza poteza.”

I did not contribute in the discussion but I was taking notes. I had also thought about changing her Teaching Practice school but I asked myself what would have happened if there were other Kuyas in another school and I was not near to keep a close eye on Fiolina? Things would have been worse.

On Wednesday, I visited Juma, the former HM of our school and the husband of Madam Ruth. I wanted to find out how it had been teaching with his wife in the same school.

“It is difficult, especially when you are the deputy and she is a teacher,” he told me. I asked him if I should move Fiolina to another school but he was against it. “You need to keep a keen eye on her Dre,” he said. “I know what happens to lady teachers on teaching practice.”  He, however, told me that to avoid conflict, I needed to set some ground rules that will guide us in our operations at school.

“I set us some rules which when we implemented, things worked well,” he said. “Initially Ruth was opposed to some of them but later on, she agreed that they had helped strengthen our marriage.” He took me through some of them but advised me against taking all of them. “Take those that are relevant to you as not all will work for you and your marriage,” he advised. That evening, I took some time to define the rules of engagement between Fiolina and I at school and home. Below are some of them.

GROUND RULES

Fiolina is my wife 24-7: Fiolina had to know that she was my wife both at home and at school. No one should cheat her that she was my colleague at school and wife at home. It was important for all teachers and students at school to know as such. I expected her to serve me tea and lunch and also to ensure that my office was clean at all times. I could call her and send her anytime and she had to follow my instructions even at school.

Teacher friends: Fiolina was to be careful on the teacher friends to keep. For our marital peace, Fiolina was not supposed to be friends with male teachers in our school or neighbouring schools. Going forward, she would need to make  friends with female colleagues: Mrs Atika, Nzomo, Sella, Madam Ruth or Lena or Anita. She had to stop being close to people like Kuya, Saphire or Erick among others. Specifically, she should only interact with them when it is completely unavoidable and I should be aware beforehand.

The same rule would have applied to me were it not that I was the deputy HM. As deputy, the nature of my office allowed me to interact will all the teachers - male and female – at any time as this was necessary for the smooth running of the school.

Serving food – Although I had not seen it happen, it had come to my attention that there was a day Fiolina served Kuya tea and took it to his office. This was a mistake that should never happen again. Fiolina would not serve any other male teacher – other than me. It was that simple.

Once again, we could not apply the same rule to me on the virtue of the high office that I hold. As deputy of the school, other female teachers can serve me.

School time – Even while at school, Fiolina has to remember that she had duties as my wife at home. She is expected to ensure my life is comfortable both at school and at home. Specifically, she is expected to be the first to leave school to go home. She is also expected to arrive after me every morning, having prepared breakfast for me. As deputy HM, my life at home needed to be comfortable so that I could be more effective and efficient at school.

Games and trips – My wife was to avoid any trips with male colleagues, official or otherwise. She was lucky that this was Third Term with no activities but were it not, we would have to ensure that there she would make any trips with male colleagues.

Even extracurricular activities pairing would be done in such a way that she would only handle activities with female colleagues. Teachers like Kuya can easily take advantage of such situations by keeping her in school until late.

Doors – There would be no locking of doors if Fiolina was in a room with any male teacher. There would be no discussions on that. Should she find herself remaining in the staffroom with one male teacher, she should leave the staffroom immediately.  As for me, the nature of my job as deputy requires that I speak to teachers in total confidence at times. I would be allowed to talk to teachers - male or female - in my office with the door closed. I was also allowed to have the door closed while in Bensouda’s office since there were many confidential things we may be discussing as part of the day to day running of the school.

NO MALE FRIENDS

Professional visits - Whenever other teachers visit me at home, there was likely to be a tendency of Fiolina coming to sit with them like colleagues to chat with them. This would not be acceptable. Fiolina had to remember that she was first of all my wife. And if fellow teachers visited me, she had to be the perfect wife and remain in the kitchen while I engage them. Except if they were her female colleagues visiting her. Male teachers visiting her was not a matter we could even discuss.

Dress code – At no time should my wife dress provocatively to school. And one other rule. She was never to dress better than I. Our dressing was to always recognise me as the head of the family. Luckily, Fiolina had not started earning her salary so there was no risk of her dressing better than I but we had to put this rule in place before we get into that situation.

As for me, I had to dress well. Some people say that my sharp dressing attracts ladies to me but you all know that that has never been my intention – it is just that dressing smartly and sharply is my weakness.

On Thursday evening, I invited Fiolina to discuss the rules. She did not even wait for me to reach rule number three. She asked me for the paper, tore it into pieces and left the room.

She would later send me an SMS: “I am not a full.”  She may have torn the paper, or refused to discuss them but one thing is for sure: these rules will have to apply. There is no other way.

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