MWALIMU ANDREW: Fiolina’s appetite for strange foods

When Fiolina became pregnant, my father called me and had a long chat with me. He told me that going forward, vindu had changed completely, and that I should brace myself for a new Fiolina. But more importantly, I should have enough money for food to nourish her and the foetus in her womb.

“It is not very cheap,” he said. He was right because the next day, my sister Caro sent me a list of foodstuffs I needed to buy: millet flour, ground nuts, cassava, green grams among so many other things – food we only take during Christmas.

She also said that Fiolina should avoid red meat, and said that I should ensure that she takes white meat at least thrice a week. This meant that I was to buy her fish and chicken every so often, which do not come cheap.

Two weeks later, Caro called me to complain. “Why are you feeding my mlamwa with broiler chicken? Broiler itafurisha mtoto. Make sure mlamwa only takes kienyeji chicken.”

But Fiolina preferred broiler. “I vomit every time I eat kienyeji chicken,” she said. “In any case it is tasteless.”

While it was a challenge to feed her while she was away, I expected things to be manageable when she comes home for vacation. You will remember how she came amidst fanfare three weeks ago. I was lucky as my mother was around to help ensure that Fiolina takes a balanced diet. And my mother did just as expected. She delivered to our house millet flour, sorghum flour, cassava flour, banana, sweet potatoes, nduma, among many other foods.

She did more than that, she kept similar foodstuffs in her house and would, regularly, prepare a meal for Fiolina and bring it her. “I know you are tired and may not be able to prepare food by yourself,” she would say.

“I want my granddaughter that you are carrying to be well fed,” she would say. And whenever we asked my mother how she knew that Fiolina was carrying a baby girl, she would laugh and say that she was a woman.

Initially, Fiolina ate all that my mother brought, but slowly she started taking smaller and smaller portions. She started showing interest in other non-conventional foods as opposed to the natural, nutritious ones that my mother was too ready to provide every day. Seeing the porridge she had meticulously prepared returned untouched did not go down well with my mother. So to make her happy, I would take some or pour all of it, and return the utensils.

A day after the elections Fiolina called me to say that she was ready to return to my place, but asked that I organise her transport.

“Please bring two boda boda, one to carry me and the other to carry food stuffs,” she told me. I sent Nyayo plus another boda boda and they arrived with a full load of foodstuffs. Within the next few days, Fiolina’s diet would change completely. Below are some of the things that she has been taking in abundance.

Sugar Cane: I do not know what Fiolina saw in sugarcane or how is helps her body, but I can tell you that she takes at least one whole sugarcane every day. She starts very early, at 5.30 am and continues chewing it throughout the day with several intervals till late in the day. You should come see our house. The sitting room and bedroom are full of sugarcane waste! And did I tell you that she just doesn’t like any sugarcane? There is a certain type grown by a man in the neighbouring village and that’s what she likes. I have to go get her supply every other two days. I have tried convincing her to eat it in pieces but all in vain. “The sugarcane is sweeter when attacked from top to bottom,” she says.

Red soils: The night I was away during elections – Juma unsuccessfully tried to hack Xtash – I returned home to find a small hole in our bedroom wall. It was clear that someone had tried to enter our bedroom and steal from it. I reported the matter to the assistant chief.

I did not expect a lot since the assistant chief doesn’t like me. If you remember, I beat him in the interviews for the job, but he bribed to get the job. So I was not surprised when he said that it did not look like a theft. I asked why.

“If you look carefully, the soil was being removed from inside, a thief would have started rom outside,” he said. He also cast doubts as to whether it was the work of an intruder as he could not see the soil that had been removed. I asked no more questions; I knew that I was on my own. After all, did the government say that security begins with me?

Upon Fiolina’s return, I alerted her that she needed to be careful since a thief had tried to gain entry into our bedroom. I was surprised since she just smiled instead of being shaken. That evening when I returned home, I noticed that the hole had widened, slightly. It was puzzling,

Last Wednesday, I left to go visit a friend. On my way, I noticed I had forgotten my phone and went back home. I entered without knocking and found Fiolina with a full plate of what I thought were nuts on a stool next to her. Her hands and mouth were busy with a long piece of sugar cane.

On close observation, I learnt that these were not nuts but dry red soil. It is then that she admitted to causing the hole in our bedroom wall as she ate the soils.

“It is so sweet. You can even try it,” she told me when I made to complain.

Termites: Part of what she came back with from her home were termites. And this she has been taking every day. But lately she has been craving live ones. This being August it has been difficult to get live ones, but last week, I heard that some boys had harvested some in the neighbouring village and I ran there to buy. To her I have never been loved as I was loved that day. Indeed, I left for Hitler’s as soon as I delivered the live termites. It was very late when I staggered back home to find Fiolina still eating her termites, and happy to see me.

She has also been asking if I could get her fried grasshoppers. I have no idea where to find them. Anyone here has an idea?

Quails and omena: Since her return, Fiolina only takes Ugali if accompanied by either quails or omena. While omena has not been difficult to find – I bought a sack full – it had been fairly difficult to get quails. No one in our village keeps quails as they are associated with poverty. I however was able to get constant supply from different sources – and made Fiolina very happy in the process.

Although I initially didn’t like her choice of food, I have slowly come to like her cravings for two reasons. First of all, unlike my mum and sister’s expensive recommendations, what Fiolina is asking for, although not very common, is cheap. Some like red soil, which I have gathered is quite nutritious, is free. Secondly, once I get her what she wants, I am allowed to do whatever I want, go to Hitler or wherever I want, and come back very late, In facts, she now appreciates me so much that the other day she wrote me an SMS: “My deer hurby. This is thanks you for railways getting me anything I want. I like you very match. Xoxo.”

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