Improving your rating in bed

Are you really good in bed — or just average? It can be hard to tell, because your partner’s unlikely to tell you.

And you probably wouldn’t believe them if they did! But you definitely can be great. So long as you genuinely want to please your partner, and are willing to work at it.

Because making love’s an art, and needs practice. So relax, be confident, take your time and really work hard at understanding your partner — which means you also need brilliant communication skills.

That’s not about flirting or talking dirty. It’s about giving feedback, directions, and suggestions. So never try to second-guess your partner’s needs, because couples who talk about lovemaking have a much better time than those who don’t. 

Women especially are often brought up to think there’s something bad about sex. Seeing it as an obligation rather than a pleasure. So talk together about any childhood hang-ups that are reducing your enjoyment of each other.

SHARED BEDTIME

Be willing to try new things, no matter how silly they might seem. Read the books and blogs — and talk about them! If being so upfront feels scary, start by talking positively about sex afterwards: “Wow, that was good!” And soon you’ll be able to talk about it anytime.

Send each other raunchy texts. Even if you’re in the same room. With the kids! And have a private code that says you’re interested, even when you’re with others: “Remind me to feed the cat.” You also need a signal that says “right now!” Like a particular “sex-only” scent or aftershave that you never use at any other time. Using a scent signal regularly like that soon becomes highly arousing.

Make a point of kissing each other at very greeting, every goodbye, sitting together on the sofa, as you wake in the morning, and as you settle down to sleep.

Negotiate a shared bedtime — and stick to it. Because preparing for bed together’s an intimate ritual that deepens the connection between you.

Make pillow talk — laugh about your day, catch up, reminisce, make plans, say how much you appreciate one another — and let your hands wander. Sleep naked, and settle down so you’re touching one another just about everywhere.

Everyone has a hundred things to worry about. Put them aside when you’re making love, or your partner will feel it. Listen carefully and watch your partner’s body language to see if you need to speed up, slow down, or use a different technique. And be vocal yourself. Even the slightest sounds of pleasure are highly arousing. 

Make love with the lights on. Or in the afternoon. Let go of your hang-ups and you should be completely comfortable being undressed around each other. Sex can also be a little gross. So don’t let anything freak you out and instead see its funny side.

Because if you laugh together as you make love, then you probably are great in bed.