Kuya and Saphire in staffroom brawl over lunch club’ refunds

A day after Bensouda, the under-performing female headmaster of this great school, banned the delicious and mouth-watering lunch club, the Young Turks Consortium — as we call the group of likeminded, progressive, develop-minded young teachers that are pulling the strings in this school — held a crisis meeting to agree on the way forward.

“The HM has no powers to ban a lunch club,” said Kuya. “I have gone through the TSC Act and nowhere have I seen where the HM has any powers over food. In fact, the word food or lunch appears nowhere in the Act.”

“I totally agree with you,” added Nzomo. “We are all under a new progressive constitution that gives everyone freedom of expression, assembly and association. That automatically means that we have freedom to eat what we want anyway we want and how we want.”

“That is very true”, said Lena. “I propose we proceed with the lunch club, there is nowhere the HM will take us.”

Sella was of a different opinion. “Let us close the club and channel the money to something else. We can start a merry-go-round or even a sacco with the balance that we have.”

“A merry-go-round is good Sella, but we need to stand up and oppose unconstitutional orders,” said Nzomo.

Kuya asked for my opinion. I told them that although the HM had no powers to ban lunch, she acted within the law since the lunch programme was interfering with the smooth operations of the school. “If we insist we can be accused of sabotage and that will land us in trouble,” I said.

“In any case, she already directed the school cook not to prepare such meals for us.”

“We can employ our own,” said Nzomo. “Peninah is not even a good cook. I think she is used to preparing ugali-sukuma so much she has doesn’t know how to cook delicacies,” she said amid laughter from other teachers.

SUPRISING LUNCH

“I don’t think that will be possible. First of all, it will take our costs high as we will have to pay her and there will be a conflict having two cooks around given that Peninah is a school employee.

“What if we organise and eat outside school,” wondered Nzomo. “We pay Kasuku Hotel to be preparing for us lunch every day and we walk there every day for lunch?”

“That will be expensive,” said Kuya “We can organise that but perhaps once a month or fortnightly, not every day. We can’t afford it.”

After further discussions, it was agreed that we would be having lunch at Kasuku Hotel once every month preferably end-month when everyone is loaded. Kuya would engage Kasuku and revert to us with the costs. However, most teachers were interested ins starting a merry-go-round and Kuya, Sella and Lana were appointed to work on the modalities of this and get back to us by end month.

In the meantime, Kuya and Sella were to refund the teachers who had paid following the end of the programme. “We are working on it and will do it tomorrow. Please note that there are things we had already bought so we do not have much money,” said Sella. But lets us clear this next Wednesday.”

The first day after the end of the lunch club, no-one touched the normal school lunch consisting of poorly cooked sukuma and ugali. The second day, one or two teachers touched the food and by last week, about a half of the teachers were taking it – yours truly included. With Fiolina not around, I do not have the luxury of being selective with food – lest I sleep hungry.

Come Wednesday, and just before lunch time, Saphire arrived in school. He had not been seen for weeks. Peninah, the school cook brought in lunch, minutes after Saphire arrived. It was mahenjera. I hear some people call it githeri. Not fried and only accompanied with water. You don’t need a calculator to know that not many teachers were interested. Saphire opened the bowl and was surprised to see mahenjera.

“I thought we contributed for good lunch?” he asked. “Ama mlikula pesa yetu?”

“Umekuwa wapi Saphire?” laughed Mrs Atika. “That thing was banned from this school. You mean you were also a member?”

“Yes, I had just joined the other week,” he said. He walked over to Mrs Atika’s desk who narrated to him how the club was banned. Club members had agreed to meet at lunch time for the refunds. We knew it was time for refunds when Kuya and Sella walked in. We went the Kuya’s desk immediately.

“Ladies and gentlemen, as discussed, we had already bought some things like salt, cooking fat, rice, juice, soda, firewood and chicken,” he said. “However, we have managed to sell one chicken but at a throw away price. We can’t sell the others.” On seeing Saphire, he added. “Just to let you know that Saphire had joined the club two weeks ago although he was yet to join us for lunch.”

FULL MONEY

“Welcome and apologies Saphire,” said Sella. Kuya went ahead and explained that based on the situation, the refund for everyone was Sh150 which he moved to give each of us. We expected more but accepted this. Except Saphire.

“I can’t take Sh150 Kuya.” He said. “I need the full Sh450 that I gave you.”

“I know Saphire but remember we had already bought some things and even paid the cook already. We can’t recover that money.”

“But I never ate even one day!” he said. “We agreed I will only be charged when I eat.”

“No, Saphire, That’s not possible,” said Kuya. “We couldn’t charge you for only the day you came. Even some of the teachers here miss school some days but we never refunded them!”

“I need my money Kuya, my full money,” said Saphire, but Kuya responded and told him that he would not refund him. “Sh450 ni pesa ya kupigia kelele kweli,” he said.

That incensed Saphire. “Ati umesaema nini? Hebu rudia?” he said. “Repeat if you are a man.”

“I don’t fear you Saphire, what is Sh450?” he said. This made Saphire angrier and he moved to punch Kuya but Kuya was swift and he quickly blocked Saphire’s punch. When Saphire tried a second punch, Kuya easily held his hand in mid-air. He then pushed Saphire who fell like a piece of paper.

“You want to kill me Kuya? You want to kill me?” He shouted as he stood up, took a blackboard ruler, and moved to hit Saphire with it. Erick and I moved to stop him as other female teachers screamed asking him to stop.

“Let him come!” said Saphire. “I will handle him.” Erick and I held Saphire and led him out of the staffroom. He was still daring to beat Kuya but clearly he had no energy. His eye was already swollen as a result of the fall.

“Yes you have beaten me at school because you are muscular,” he told Kuya before leaving. “But let us meet out there we see if your muscles will help you.” And with that Saphire left school.

***

As the Chief Justice retires, it is important remind a certain teacher that his time to hang the chalk is long past. You know yourself. You swallowed nine years by indicating on your ID that you were nine years younger than you actually are.

Then when your ID was 55 years old, you applied for five more years under the Bamba 5 programme. The government thinks you are now 59 but you are actually 68. The TSC thinks you miss classes because you are sickly but you are actually old. You don’t have to wait until you can’t walk to school. Your grand-children need you more than the school needs you. Retire, go home and rest Mr Lutta.