Voter listing offers a new and unexpected windfall for me

Although I am the most educated, most forward looking, most exposed, most popular and most hardworking primary school teacher this side of the Sahara, the government, in its twisted wisdom, has not seen the need to promote me. I know there are those who will say that I can’t claim to be the most educated because I have not completed my degree course. These people forget that at least I have started. Most of my peers have not even started imagining themselves contemplating applying for admission to the university.

Yet despite my very good performance at Kenyatta University (except in Statistics, which I do not need as a Kiswahili teacher), the government, or rather some enemies of development within government, fear promoting me because they know my potential and are, therefore, afraid that I may end up taking their jobs. Which is true because even the few headmasters I have had here will, when not sober, admit to you that I am the one who runs things here.

If anything, by sending Catherine here, the mother of Brandon, the government is only keen to frustrate me into resigning. Or to frustrate me into committing suicide. Let me make it clear to the governments, or rather some people in government: I would rather die than commit suicide!

Government or no government, it is no surprise that there are people out there who have seen my talent, potential and popularity; and who want to take advantage of these assets. Like Kizito. You will all remember Kizito, a cousin of mine who works in Nairobi. He is most known for having married Nimo, all the way from Murang’a.

I have no idea what he does for a living in Nairobi but all  I know is that he has always been struggling in life just as my brother: coming home with a hired car, buying a few drinks for everyone one at Cosmos on the first day, Hitler’s on the second day and disappearing within minutes of the third day.

Until this year. I have no idea which Eurobond or NYS tender he was awarded but I can tell you this for a fact: Kizito is now loaded.

KIZITO IS MHESHIMIWA

In January when everyone was complaining of empty pockets, Kizito was at home constructing a new house. And you won’t believe it, the house that was just began in January is now at the roofing stage. The design of the house may not be as good as mine, the size not as big as mine and even the location not as strategic as mine, but let’s give credit where it’s due, this is the fastest we have seen a house being constructed in Mwisho wa Lami and its environs.

Once in a while, Kizito visits Hitler’s, and when in a good mood, he buys us what he buys us. And it wasn’t long before people started calling him Mheshimiwa. To thank him for buying and to encourage him to buy more. Soon, Mheshimiwa became his name. So when he told me that he wanted to see me last week, I waited for him with bated breath.

“You are a very popular person here,” he said when we met at Cosmos, sitting at a corner where no one could disturb us. “I think you can be of great help to me.” I wondered how.

“I am not just popular, I am the most popular person in Mwisho wa Lami and its environs,” I said, chest thumping a little bit.

“The people have said that they need me to be their MCA in August and who am I to refuse the call of the people?” he said. “So I am going for it.”

Although only the patrons of Hitler’s were calling him Mheshimiwa, they were people all the same.

“I need your help,” he said. “Utakula vizuri,” he added when he saw me seeming thinking about the offer.

I asked him what exactly he wanted me to do.

“You will be my chief campaigner,” he added and I asked him to give me time to think about it, as elections were still far away.

“Elections are not far away Dre,” he said. “Elections are won or lost during registration which is happening now. And that is where I need your help.”

“That’s easy, the boys and girls who register to vote in this village and even the other two in the nearby polling stations are my former students so I can help,” I said, seeing an opportunity.

“Exactly what I am looking for!” he said. “You also know a lot of teachers out there that do not vote in Mwisho wa Lami. Can you convince them to change their registration to Mwisho wa Lami?”

“I can do that if the reward is good,” I said. “Not just teachers, I can reach so many people using my fertile networks.”

“I knew you were the right candidate for this job,” he said, and asked me to quote my price.

“But this is just registration?” I said, “It doesn’t mean they will vote for you.”

“You don’t understand Dre,” he said. “You just make them register and leave the rest to me, sawa?”

TRANSFERRINGVOTERS

We met the next day and I gave him my offer: Sh250 per new person that I convince to register and Sh330 per person I convince to change their vote to Mwisho wa Lami Ward.

He did not bargain. “But you have to have the names of these people and their contacts, right?” That was easy. My mind was working overtime. If I could just get 30 people to register and 100 to transfer, I would have enough to complete my house.

Kizito gave me Sh1,000 to start me off and I went to work immediately. First stop was Hitler’s. Nyayo was my main person. All he needed was a drink if we could get the few young people to register. He would target anyone coming to Hitler’s and if not registered, walk them to the polling station nearby for registration. As at last Tuesday, we had managed to get 9, and that included Nyayo himself, who interestingly had never registered to vote.

Voter transfer was the most lucrative, and with this I had to aim at people outside Mwisho wa Lami Ward. And what better place to go to than Fiolina’s village, using his brother Tocla. Now you all know Tocla, the man loves many things, but he would do anything to get his drink.

We met at Hitler’s the other Friday and discussed how he would make his friends change relocate to Mwisho wa Lami voting centre for Sh25 per transfer. I told him I was the one contesting.

“Hata MCA wetu hatumjui,” Tocla told me. “Hata hatusaidii so kama ni wewe unasimama, nitakuletea watu.” That was the other week.

And he kept his word. As you know, despite our problems, Mwisho wa Lami has more prosperous people than neighbouring villages, most of which belong to a different ward. As such a lot of young men from Fiolina’s place come to Mwisho wa Lami to work as watchmen in our school, Kizito’s mjengo, running the posho-mill at the market, taking care of Lutta’s chicken and cows among others.

It was easy to convince them. They will most likely be in Mwisho wa Lami on voting day anyway, so why not vote at Mwisho wa Lami. And we had the polling registration clerk helping by assuring them that it did not matter where they registered, they could vote for who ever they wanted.

The response was great. Within the first week, we had managed to transfer 16 voters to Mwisho wa Lami Ward. I met Kizito last Tuesday with the good news and I could not believe my eyes when he paid me instantly. After my expenses to Nyayo, Tocla and some drinks, I had Sh6,500 in the pocket – Kenyan cash money!

It was time to upscale. Since then, I have not been to school. I have spent most of the time convincing people to transfer their votes to Mwisho wa Lami. As at Friday, we had quite a good number of new registrations and transfers. Next on my target is the Schools Athletics competition that is being held in Mwisho wa Lami Primary from yesterday. I have great plans of convincing most teachers to register in Mwisho wa Lami. I have to raise enough money to complete my house.

What a lucrative period this election is going to be. TSC can keep their promotion, who cares!