MY WEEKEND: With ingenuity, you earn cheap cash in this town

Some time this year, a colleague woke up to find himself in a WhatsApp group called “Muthoni’s album launch”. According to the admin, Muthoni was planning to release her “gospel” music video, but did not have enough money to fund the event. She was therefore requesting her friends to help her realise her dream.

The day-long event, wait for it, would cost Sh700,000. The cost was to cover venue, posters, advertisements, which would cost Sh350,000, sound (PA system I assume), an MC and DJ, and security, which was supposed to cost Sh20,000.

The said Muthoni happened to be a close friend of this colleague’s wife and had, in fact, been a bridesmaid at their wedding earlier this year. This colleague was scandalised and he wondered, aloud, why someone would expect him to sink his hard-earned money into what he viewed as a fundraising to inject capital into a business he had no shares in. I mean, this Muthoni would end up selling the said music DVDs, wouldn’t she? And she had no intention of sharing her profits with him and the other people in the WhatsApp group, did she? What took him aback even more was that the admin had the audacity to say that he did not expect less than Sh5,000 from each person in the group.

“You were chosen because you are all blessed, so give generously,” he concluded his speech.

Snort! You would have thought it was for a worthy cause. He then gave a date for a “goat eating”, and asked members to be punctual.

The first time I was invited to a goat eating, the image that came to mind was of me sinking my teeth into chunks of juicy roast meat dripping hot fat. I was sorely disappointed. I made my way there early, after all, the early bird catches the worm, the meat in this case. There was roast meat alright, roast meat from one miserly goat that was supposed to feed over 100 people. But because I got there early, I managed to get my hands on two pieces of leathery meat, but I digress. 

I can, therefore, tell you for a fact that goat eating ceremonies are not about eating goats, no sir, they are purely a fund-raising event. If you don’t have money to give, stay at home.

Anyway, this colleague of course protested to his wife, and informed her that he had no intention of giving Sh5,000, that the most he was willing to part with was 1,000 bob. What followed was a loud lecture about how unwilling he was to support her friends.

FOR THE SAKE OF PEACE

Did he know what she and Muthoni had been through over the years? She dared him. To cut a long story short, he ended up attending the goat eating, and painfully parted with Sh5,000. For the sake of maintaining the peace at home.

But this is not where the story ends. Four months after this expensive goat eating (the group admin never told them how much they managed to raise by the way), my colleague heard that Muthoni and her husband had rented a clothing stall in Nairobi’s CBD. Talk of ingenious ways of raising interest-free money.

I don’t know who is worse though, Muthoni or a certain teacher who “killed” his father to swindle money from his pupils. I was in a restaurant having a late lunch when these two women walked in and took a table next to me. For some reason, most people tend to talk loudly when speaking in their mother tongue, so I ended up overhearing their conversation.

I gathered that both of their children were in the same school, same class. Turns out that their children’s class teacher had been telling parents that his father was dead, while in fact, the old man was alive somewhere in this country. If your child’s class teacher told you that his father had just died, leaving behind a huge medical bill, wouldn’t you give him “something small”?

Well, these women had, and were wondering how to go about the issue. I have no idea what the conclusion was because I left before them, but could not help wondering how anyone can convince themselves that it is possible to pull off such a scheme and keep the truth under wraps. What kind of knowledge is this teacher passing on to his young charges?

[email protected]; Twitter: @cnjerius. The writer is the Daily Nation features editor

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FEEDBACK

What you wrote last Sunday was profound. Most of us are guilty of condoning the evil that happens around us. We know what we ought to do, but we don’t because we are not bold enough. I bet you too know of a criminal, but have never reported. Nyaga

My brother passed away two years ago. We all knew that he was a robber, and had been for many years. Sometimes he would even hide stolen goods in our father’s homestead. He even had a gun, and we suspect that he used to kill people. We, however, pretended that he was just a normal person who had a normal job. When he died, we were all relived, but we would never admit it. Sometimes some things are easier said than done.

Sara

Your article was timely considering the shocking things we have been hearing and reading about fake doctors and bogus cops in police uniform. Amazingly, these people can only achieve such feats with the knowledge of some of their relatives and friends. It’s said that the evil in our society is amplified not by the perpetrators, but by those who decide to keep quite or look the other way. I am guilty as an enabler. I have known neighbours who are thugs but decided not to report to the police. Why? For fear of retaliation. This is aggravated by corruption whereby criminals are arrested in the morning and freed at noon after bribing the police. If the criminals get wind that you betrayed them they will come for you.

Irungu