MEN&WOMEN: Men’s ways of wrecking marriages

Don’t confuse sex with intimacy. When you only focus on your own needs or expect her to be instantly excited, it is not fun for her. ILLUSTRATION| IGAH

What you need to know:

  • Your wife also wants to feel close to you. So if you’re determined to keep your independence, and are only affectionate when you want sex, then you won’t be married long. So talk to her!
  • You also need to take responsibility for all of your behaviour. You choose to drink, flirt, cheat and work late. So don’t blame anyone else only you can set things right. 
  • Women like to talk things out. She wants you to trust her. So open up.

Both men and women wreck marriages, of course. But men have their own special ways of going about it.

Like you’re wrecking your marriage if you’re forever leaving your wife on her own. Working and drinking late, going out at weekends to run errands and not returning for hours means you’ve started down a very slippery slope.

Your wife also wants to feel close to you. So if you’re determined to keep your independence, and are only affectionate when you want sex, then you won’t be married long. So talk to her!

Tell her about your day, your hopes and fears and dreams. Hold her hand, hug and kiss, sit close and spend time alone with her. Ask about her day and give her your undivided attention when she answers. And listen to her when she’s worried. You don’t have to try to fix everything. Because when you listen, she feels you understand her. Even if you don’t.

Don’t confuse sex with intimacy. When you only focus on your own needs or expect her to be instantly excited, it’s no fun for her. Instead, start every morning with a kiss. Tell her you love her. Help get the kids ready for school. Let her know she’s on your mind all day. Offer to help with dinner. Those moments mean the world to your wife. And so you’ll also have more sex!

It’s okay for you to look at other women, in fact you can’t stop yourself. But it makes your wife feel insecure. So she needs to know that you still love her. Tell her she’s beautiful and special. Give her the assurance she needs and all will be well. 

You also need to take responsibility for all of your behaviour. You choose to drink, flirt, cheat and work late. So don’t blame anyone else only you can set things right. 

Many men see apologising as a sign of weakness. But to your wife it shows that you’re being open and want to make things work. To your wife, the most important days of the year are her birthday and wedding anniversary. On those days she wants to feel special and important to you. So spend time with her. It will mean more than an expensive gift ever could.

Men compartmentalise their problems and go quiet. Women don’t do that. So your wife worries if she knows that you’re stressed out at work, but you’re not discussing it with her. When you’re upset and shut out your wife, it fills her with fear. And she starts assuming that she's the problem. 

Women like to talk things out. She wants you to trust her. So open up. Your wife loves you. She’s on your side. She feels loved when you discuss your troubles.

So talk to her about what’s going on in your life. Share your feelings with her and she’ll open her heart to you. And your marriage will last forever.