Life lessons from a child

A few days ago, my four-year-old daughter declared that I am “a bad stepmother”.

I had just finished reading her a book called Hansel and Gretel, a fairy tale published way back in 1812, and which has been reproduced and re-written numerous times. I read it as a child.

In a nutshell, Hansel and Gretel are brother and sister who live with their father and stepmother, a cruel woman who constantly plots how to get rid of the two children, and eventually succeeds to convince their father to abandon them in a dense forest where a child-eating witch takes them prisoner.

“Mummy you’re a bad stepmother,” my daughter announced with finality when I closed the book.

Tickled, (I suspected where this was coming from) I asked her why.

“Si umenichapa,” with a sulky tone, she explained that I had beaten her.

Before that bedtime story, I had spanked her for disobedience, and clearly, she was still smarting from the smacks I had rained on her behind. I rarely spank her, so when I do, she views it as a gross injustice, the worst thing anyone can do to her, and so in her eyes, I was no different from that evil stepmother in the story.

Ever the peace maker, her elder brother, who had read the story before, patiently explained to her that I was their “real” mother, and that he doubted I was capable of deserting them in a forest.

REAL MOTHER

This anecdote is of course told with due respect to all the wonderful stepmothers out there who were, and are, gracious enough to whole-heartedly embrace children that they did not give birth to and treat them as they would their own. A hearty toast to you all.

This declaration by my daughter got me thinking that if we adults were as honest with one another as children are, this world, this nation, would be a much better place, one where peace reigns and one devoid of the mindless and petty hatred and intolerance we see around us and on social media. Our problem is that we never come out and say it, instead poking our sworn enemies with innuendos and indirect insults.

My four-year-old did not hold onto a grudge, she told me what she thought of me immediately and so gave me the opportunity to help her understand why I had spanked her, and that my actions did not mean that I was cruel or did not love her. By the time she went to bed that evening, we had mended our relationship, and she no longer thought I was a bad stepmother.

We “big” people though, have made a profession out of holding grudges, most of the time petty, which fester over time to become this impenetrable concrete wall of acrimony and bitterness.

A few days ago, a colleague recognised someone she had gone to university with on TV, prompting her to tell me this story I am about to tell you.

The two of them were students at Kenyatta University then, and one day, they boarded a matatu from the city centre together, on their way to school. It was raining heavily by the time they alighted opposite the university gates. You know how allergic we Kenyans are to the rain, so my colleague, who happened to have an umbrella, dashed out of the matatu, quickly unfurled her umbrella and ran as fast as she could towards the lecture halls, her classmate forgotten.

A month or so later, my colleague noticed that this classmate, for some reason, was no longer as friendly as she was, and would even pointedly ignore her sometimes. This went on until they graduated and went their separate ways. Three years later, they bumped into each other at a get-together, and after a couple of drinks, this colleague gathered enough courage to ask her former university mate why she had given her a frosty shoulder in university.

“You remember that time we boarded a matatu from town and it was raining? How could you leave me behind yet I had no umbrella? How mean can someone be?!” she barked.

For the life of her, this colleague could not recall that incident no matter how hard she tried.

This woman had held onto this petty grudge for over four years!

Had she just made known her disappointment that day, my colleague would have probably sincerely apologised and all would have been forgiven.

What pointless grudges have you been holding onto?