We are partly what we have learnt along the way

Until someone pointed it out, I had no idea that most of the time I seem harried, on a big rush to get somewhere, as if I am on my way to put out a fire.

I, of course, outrightly denied it because I like to think of myself as cool, calm and collected. But when I thought about it, really thought about it (much later of course after wrestling with my denial), I realised that this person was right.

I am almost always in a constant state of unrest, raring to go, my fingers itching to do something, anything. I find it difficult to just sit down and do nothing, I feel as if I am wronging someone or doing someone a great injustice by doing nothing.

After doing some more thinking, it dawned on me that I have been this way for a long time, since childhood, in fact.

My dad resented idleness. To him, idleness included sleeping in; I cannot count the number of times I would hear him say loudly, with disbelief, “You are still sleeping?!”

To make matters worse, it would be on a Saturday or Sunday morning at 7am, a non-school day, the only days you had the chance to get some decent sleep. Also, it is not as if you were expected to be somewhere, so why get up early?

Try that argument with my dad though. He is now in his 60s, but is still as active as he was when we were growing up. Every time I visit home, I have never found him seated, he is always somewhere fixing something.

HOARDING STUFF

Unfortunately, thanks to him, by the time the clock strikes 6am, whether it is on a Monday morning or on Christmas Day that falls on a Sunday, I am normally wide awake, a million things that need to be done before nightfall whirring in my head.

This urge to do something means that during family gatherings, I am the one who ends up doing most of the work – serving, clearing the dishes, fetching relaxed people salt and toothpicks …

That’s not all, when I visit a friend, I feel the need to ask whether I can help in some way, I just don’t know how to sit down and watch life take its course.

We are products of our upbringing, the people we are is determined by habits that were inculcated in us during childhood, or by the experiences we went through.

I, for instance, have a friend whose kitchen looks like a combination of a supermarket and a market. Her pantry, shelves and cabinets are always crammed with foodstuffs, enough foodstuff to feed an army, even though the only mouths that expect feeding are those of her two children, husband and house-help.

She and her family also have so many clothes, some are even stashed in boxes in a spare room. For a long time, I secretly thought that she was extravagant until I got to know her better. Apparently, she comes from a very needy background and, growing up, many are the days when she and her siblings went to bed on an empty stomach because their parents had no money for food. As for clothes, they wore hand-me-downs from well-to-do relatives and well-wishers.

Decades later, my friend, a successful businesswoman, still lives with the fear of lack, of one day finding herself in a position where she is unable to provide for her children. It is a fear that sometimes gives her nightmares, and to counter it, she accumulates those things that she lacked as a child. Being surrounded by them elicits the feeling of security that was absent in her childhood.

I have no idea whether it is possible to unlearn some of this behaviour — I mean, I would like to find out what it feels like to stay in bed until 2pm, after all, my dad is not there to wonder why I am still asleep at that time.

Please, try to have a relaxed Sunday.