Pack of cigarettes saved Apostle from the knife

Sunday December 6 2015

Later that day, drunk and happy, he moved around the village singing songs praising his wife, and telling everyone who cared to listen that his wife was faithful to him. And that his wife was beautiful and hardworking. ILLUSTRATION | JOHN NYAGAH

Later that day, drunk and happy, he moved around the village singing songs praising his wife, and telling everyone who cared to listen that his wife was faithful to him. And that his wife was beautiful and hardworking. ILLUSTRATION | JOHN NYAGAH 

By MWALIMU ANDREW
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When we parted ways on this page last week, Nyayo, Mwisho wa Lami’s finest jack of all trades, had been camping at Mwisho wa Lami bus stop waiting for the arrival of Apostle Elkana, The Revered Spiritual Superintendent of THOAG (The Holiest of All Ghosts) Tabernacle Assembly; to alight from a Nairobi Msamaria Mwema.

He was not waiting with flowers in hand to present to the man of God as an early Christmas gift. No, he wasn’t even waiting for blessings from the man of God. He was waiting with a knife in the pocket, ready to exact revenge on the Apostle.

If you recall, Apostle Elkana had left for Nairobi together with Anindo, Elkana’s wife, to go attend the Pope’s Mass, but those who watched the Pope on TV for his entire stay here had not seen Elkana anywhere near the Pope, or anyone resembling the good prophet even by half.

In fact, sources closer to the source indicate that the two had alighted at Nakuru, and it is possible they had confused Nakuru with Nairobi as they had never gone to Nairobi in their lives!

Last Sunday evening while at Hitler’s, Nyayo warned that Apostle would “know who I am”.

“Hata kama ni kurudi kodiaga nitarudi,” he said. I had never known he was in Kodiaga Prison. For the five years he had been away, we all knew he had been working on some farm in Molo.

“Ulikuwa Kodiaga lini?” asked Rasto. “Uliuwa nani?”

“Siogopi jela mimi,” he added. “Sitakubali mtu kunyanyasa mabibi wetu.” He clicked and went to sharpen his knife once more, saying that he would only hit once. The stage was now set for a collision between Apostle Elkana and Nyayo.

Fearful that Apostle Elkana’s life was in danger, Rasto went to tell the Apostle’s wife to warn Elkana. He did not find her. Rumour had it that on the day the Apostle left with Anindo, she too had packed her stuff and gone back to her parents.

FRONT ROW SEAT

Sources indicated that she was supporting Nyayo’s actions. No one had seen this for sure but word around Mwisho wa Lami was that she had been seen with Nyayo, and had even paid him some money to teach her husband a lesson. Rumour or no rumour, Apostle Elkana’s wife had not been happy to have been left out of the journey to meet the Pope.

That Sunday, neither Elkana nor Anindo alighted from Msamaria Mwema. Nor did they emerge from any other vehicle – Apostle Elkana is capable of doing such. Not even the next day did they appear. Nyayo was getting tired, but remained determined and optimistic, knife in pocket. And instead of only waiting at the stage in the morning or evening when the Msamaria Mwema bus passes Mwisho wa Lami, he had been convinced that nothing was beyond the Apostle and, therefore, waited at the stage the whole day.

Come Wednesday, just a little over a week after they had left, something happened.

How I missed this I do not understand. Drinking from the verandah of Cosmos Bar and Rest, I had been watching to see what Nyayo would do. I didn’t want to get the story from sources closer to the source. I wanted to witness everything with my own eyes.

On that Wednesday, Fiolina, the enviable laugh of my life, had created a crisis at home that needed my personal attention. So I went home and resolved the matter. It wasn’t a big matter but any married man will tell you that putting your dirty socks under the bed can be an international crisis in the house bigger than the Syrian crisis.

When I returned to Mwisho wa Lami market, I found everyone around excited about what had happened, and after talking to several people, I managed to re-construct what had happened. 

As he always did every time a Msamaria Mwema bus arrived, Nyayo went close to it. There were lots of passengers alighting from the bus, but then immediately another matatu arrived. Things happened fast and Msamaria Mwema and the matatu both left in a hurry, competing for passengers.

Lo and behold, among the passengers who had alighted was Anindo, and no one knows whether she alighted from the Msamaria Mwema or the matatu. But there she was standing, arms akimbo, in a new flowing white dress and blue headgear written “Mothers Union”. She was different from the Anindo we all knew and for a moment very few people recognised her.

Beside her was a large Nakumatt shopping bag, plus another bag containing her belongings. Several goodies were protruding from the Nakumatt bag, things that would interest any full-blooded Mwisho wa Lami man. There was bread and juice among other sweet things.

PEACE OFFERING

Those who were there say that Nyayo did not recognise her at first. Then he recognised her. He was looking for Apostle Elkana who was not there. He wanted to beat up Anindo but on seeing the Nakumatt paper bag, he calmed down. Something spectacular happened. Anindo went to the Nakumatt bag and got out something which she gave to him.

It was a packet of cigarettes. Those who were there say that that changed everything. The angry Nyayo immediately changed, became happy and grabbed the packet from Anindo. Immediately, he lit one of them, and called two of his friends to share the cigarettes

He then borrowed a motorcycle, carried Anindo and off they went home. The knife that he had carried was now used to cut the loaf of bread after Anindo prepared tea.

An hour later, Nyayo walked to Hitler’s. He was in a sufficiently philanthropic mood. That means that he never asked for a drink from anyone — and he did not borrow. He  was also wearing a new shirt — a present from his wife. He told everyone that his wife had actually gone to see the Pope and that they had been paid some allowances.

Later that day, drunk and happy, he moved around the village singing songs praising his wife, and telling everyone who cared to listen that his wife was faithful to him. And that his wife was beautiful and hardworking.

“Do you know the price of this shirt?” he asked whoever he met. “Two hundred shillings. Can your wife buy a shirt for two hundred shillings for you?”

On the next day, Apostle Elkana alighted from a matatu at Mwisho wa Lami stage, he majestically and peacefully walked to his home in peace. That same evening, Elkana’s wife returned home.

And with that Mwisho wa Lami went back to its usual quiet. Unless something drastic happens. And that will be very soon!