Sacrifice quality time to raise your children

In many of these sexual abuse stories, a common theme is that of parents who are too busy earning a living to pay attention to what is happening in the lives of their children. PHOTO/FILE

What you need to know:

  • The story said that the woman, Carol Ochieng’, lured the standard four girl into her car sometime in September 2011, as the small girl waited for her “generous” new-found friend to bring her sweets, a man came into the car and defiled her.
  • After these five short years, the woman will be free to take over her life from where she left it. What of the small girl whose innocence she cruelly took? What have the last three years been like for her? What will the rest of her life be like? What of the man?
  • Most important though, they share it in the hope that other parents and guardians will be more involved in their children’s lives, and more wary of those they entrust their children to.

It was a brief story tucked at the bottom of page six in last Wednesday’s paper.

Brief as it was, it filled me with outrage, and even though I have heard worse cases, I still cannot bring myself to believe that there are people who can show such callousness towards children.

I am talking about the woman who was jailed for five years, for “inducting” a nine-year-old girl to prostitution.

The story said that the woman, Carol Ochieng’, lured the standard four girl into her car sometime in September 2011, drove her to a supermarket in South B at Mariakani, Nairobi, and left her in the car, telling her that she was going to buy her some goodies.

As the small girl waited for her “generous” new-found friend to bring her sweets, a man came into the car and defiled her. What pains me most about this story is that the five years this woman will spend in jail will pass by like the twinkling of an eye. I say this because what has happened in my life during the last five years seems as if it all happened yesterday.

After these five short years, the woman will be free to take over her life from where she left it. What of the small girl whose innocence she cruelly took? What have the last three years been like for her?

BUSY PARENTS

What will the rest of her life be like? What of the man?

Though this case is different, most cases of child abuse, especially sexual abuse, are committed by people known to the child — close relatives, family friends, or even workers like house helps, gardeners and watchmen.

In the past, newspapers have published stories of men and women who were subjected to this kind of abuse in their childhood. What I’ve learnt from their stories is that the pain of betrayal never goes away, even when they manage to put the experience behind them and lead a normal life.

These brave men and women decide to share their heartrending childhood stories in the hope that their experiences will encourage someone going through what they did.

Most important though, they share it in the hope that other parents and guardians will be more involved in their children’s lives, and more wary of those they entrust their children to.

In many of these sexual abuse stories, a common theme is that of parents who are too busy earning a living to pay attention to what is happening in the lives of their children. In such a case, three things can happen. First, you end up growing apart with your child, such that they do not feel comfortable telling you that “auntie” has been touching them inappropriately.

Second, since you’re rarely at home, or leave early and return late when they’re already asleep, your child does not get the chance to talk about what they may be going through. And third, since you rarely spend meaningful time together, you fail to notice the tell-tale signs that would have hinted to you that there is something amiss.

If you’re this kind of parent, someone in the know would probably point out that your children need you more at this vulnerable stage, a stage that demands guidance and protection.