Signs you are going nowhere

Sometimes it’s obvious that you should break up. Like you’ve lost that loving feeling, even though you still enjoy your dates together. Or mistrust has gradually crept in. Or you differ too much on important issues like money.

Maybe your partner’s holding on too tight to their past. An ex, for example, or unhealthy friendships. Or you just can’t resolve conflicts. Or you don’t feel able to be yourself. Or your partner’s just too self-absorbed, insecure or bad tempered.

But often it’s nowhere near as clear as that. You still tell yourself you’re in love. But something’s not right. Most likely that’s because your relationship’s not going anywhere. And so, deep down, you know there’s trouble ahead.

WHY MIGHT THAT BE?

Perhaps you have different ideas about the future. Like one of you wants to start a family within the next year or two, and the other definitely doesn’t. Then you need to say goodbye. Because no matter how good you are together, things will end if your goals don’t match.

Or you have no sexual chemistry. Even though you love your partner soooo much, your sex life’s simply awful. And that really matters, no matter how much you love one another. Because good sex is the glue that holds a marriage together. It helps you to understand each other better, to feel good about yourself and your partner, and makes dealing with the inevitable stresses of life easier. Don’t try to manage without it.

Or perhaps the relationship’s become too one sided. Because if one of you’s giving far more to the relationship than the other – whether that’s financially, emotionally, or even around the house – then love can’t save it. You can’t spend your whole life picking up the slack for someone else, no matter how much you love them. Because you’re their partner, not their parent.

Maybe you’ve started to feel you can’t manage without them? You want them to be part of your life, of course. But there’s a fine line between “want” and “need”. When your need gets too strong, your partner will start to feel suffocated. Feelings like that eventually become unbearable. Time to leave and work on yourself. Because you must be self sufficient if you’re to have a successful relationship.

Or perhaps you two just can’t compromise. There’s no give and take, and so every issue becomes a fight to the death. That means you’ll eventually reach a point where things will become impossible. Love can’t put that right.

Or maybe you’ve actually started admitting to yourself that the relationship’s not going anywhere. Not just in the long term, but even day-to-day. Your relationship’s no longer supportive, or it’s no longer allowing you both to grow as individuals. Perhaps it’s even making life’s ups and downs worse rather than better. That’s a sure sign that you two are just not right for each other. And you can’t fix that with love either.