Talking about your problem eases the burden you carry

Some time last year, a young woman sent the Nation an e-mail, lamenting about her frustrating search for a job since she graduated two years ago. She had a degree in horticulture, she said, and was a certified public accountant.

Since she could not just stay at home twiddling her thumbs, she hawked baskets, which she wove herself, a skill she had learnt from her mother when she completed secondary school. Whenever casual jobs came up, she took them up, earning between Sh200 and Sh300 for a day’s work. Her question, which I had no answer to, was: “Was my degree and all the sacrifice I put into earning it in vain? Why can’t I get a job?”

Anyway, a week ago, I contacted her, and she agreed to tell her story. I thought that her account would resonate with, and perhaps encourage thousands of other young job-seekers like her, many of whom had been looking for jobs for a longer period. Susan Mutero’s story was published on Monday this week in the Nation’s DN2 magazine. I had of course expected three or four people to offer her a job, so I was surprised, pleasantly surprised, when the calls and the e-mails started coming, thick and fast, throughout Monday, petering out on Thursday morning.

The offers came from CEOs of privately-owned companies to government agencies I had never even heard of, but which exist.

THE MASK

There were also offers from several business owners, and even a psychologist who offered his services for free – Susan did sound frustrated and defeated in that feature. When I talked to her on Wednesday morning, she was still in the process of sifting through the many job offers that had come her way, determined to settle on the best one.

Her story demonstrated to me just how powerful speaking up is. Had Susan kept her frustration to herself, who knows, five years from now, she would still be hawking baskets, after all, aren’t there degree holders that have been looking for that elusive job for over 10 years?

I am the kind of person that tends to keep my problems to myself – this is largely an act of self-preservation, perhaps to insulate myself from what people will say, how they will react. I also tell myself that I can solve the problems myself, or remind myself that I am probably not the first one to go through whatever I am going through, so why bother talking about it?

Sometimes, I do manage to solve whatever challenge I am going through, but looking back, had I shared it with someone or asked for help, it would have greatly eased the burden I had to drag as I went through the process, and even more important, I would have arrived at a solution much faster had I opened up to someone. Man is not an island after all.

I know I am not alone. Many of us are experts at hiding our pain and disappointment so well, no one would ever guess at the turmoil churning within them. The mask only comes off when they go home in the evening and lock the door behind them. Unfortunately, and I know this from experiences I have been privy to over time, pent up emotions and unsaid words either eat you up from the inside, or fill you up until they explode in a horrifying fashion one day.

Perhaps it is time we started to speak out, to ask for what we want – you never know, there might be someone, somewhere, who has a ready solution to what you think is an insurmountable situation. A situation that has been giving you sleepless nights for weeks, months or years. Just ask Susan.