MWALIMU ANDREW: This is the year to realise 2016 pending resolutions

If you are reading this, then you successfully crossed from 2016 to 2017. Congratulations and welcome aboard 2017, the year of the Lord. This is it! This is the year when all will happen and must happen. For you and for me. Like every other right thinking and law-abiding Kenyan, every year, I make very clear New Year resolutions.

Last year presented a mixed bag of fortunes. I will remember it as the year in which things almost happened, but for some reason they just did not. I almost completed my house. Were it not for some Statistics course at Kenyatta University, I would be done with my degree. In short, I am almost done with my degree. As for my earlier plans to go to Mombasa, I was almost going until a last minute major disagreement between me and my pocket. I will still give it a try this year.

On the good side, Fiolina, the laugh of my life, successfully completed her P1 course at Mosoriot; and is waiting to graduate this year. I may not have started reaping the full benefits of this course – other than maringo na kizungu mingi from her – but I can tell you I have earned respect from all quarters.

Every time I pass somewhere, people point at me and whisper how I single-handedly paid fees for my wife’s advanced higher education. This, when other projects were going on in my life – like my degree, house construction and a demanding career as deputy headmaster.

As we enter 2017, I must do things differently. I have realised that good resolutions must be few and smart. They must be specific, measureable, and achievable and you must have a partner to help you. Indeed, I realised that although I take some blame for not meeting my goals, it is the people in my life that have derailed me. There has clearly been little or no alignment of my goals with the support structures around me.

Not to bore you with many stories, allow me, ladies and gentlemen, to take you through my grand plans for this year. Please hold me accountable to meet them.

GRADUATE

As you already know, Fiolina will most likely graduate this year, if she passed her final exams. While I would like her to have passed her exams and will be proud to join her in the graduation ceremony, you can imagine how she will laugh at me for having started school after me and then  graduate before me. I am not wishing her failure, but it would be good if she can graduate after me. Therefore, come April, I will re-embark on my advanced studies in KU. God willing, I will join other esteemed, distinguished scholars at KU’s Graduation Square for their 42nd Graduation Ceremony in July, or at worst scenario, the 43rd edition in December.

Should Fiolina graduate before me, she will just attend the ceremony but the graduation party will be done for both of us once I graduate – whenever that will be.

2017 ELECTIONS

The defunct ECK, the former IIEC, the old and new IEBC will all confirm that on matters elections, this country has very few grassroots experts, and I stand tall among them. I have served in several elections and referendum but the highest position I have ever held was polling clerk. But in the last two, I was the one showing the presiding officer and deputy presiding officers what to do.

This year, I am aiming high, I will settle for nothing short of deputy returning officer, or I will go for the big things, Returning Officer in our constituency. I have all that it takes. As you may be aware, the opposition has raised several fundamental issues that about the elections. The IEBC will be proving the opposition right if they fail to appoint me to a senior position in this year’s elections. It will give credence to the opposition’s claims that the elections will not be free and fair. So IEBC, if you want credible elections, you know who you must hire to run the show.

FAMILY

Now that my wife is done with her studies, time has come for us to grow our family. He may not be my son, but you will all agree that Brandon needs someone he can call a brother or a sister. It is becoming increasingly concerning that some enemies of development who really insisted that Brandon is my son are now questioning whether I am really the father on Brandon. While I actually am not the dad, it is for the reasons they are doubting that worry me.

It will take some hard work to prove them wrong but you can be sure that Fiolina and I will give it our level best. For obvious reasons, allow me not to go into further details.

POLITICAL OFFICE

Even as I position myself for a senior role at the IEBC, I have been listening. Many people have approached me to say that if there is one man who can change the fortunes of our ward, if there is a man with a great vision who thinks internationally but acts locally and who has the interests of everyone at hearts, it is yours truly.

I know a lot of this talk has been at Hitler’s, after people have taken one or two. But those of you who read the The Government Inspector will recall that it was the great Greek thinker, Hlestakov Dobschinsky, who said that when a man is drunk, it all comes out. These people have been honest to me. Besides, I am tall, handsome, and I am liked by many.

Should I get a good sponsor, or should I hit the jackpot on SportPesa, then come August, rather than fight for some senior but useless position with the IEBC, my name will be on the ballot, as MCA, Mwisho wa Lami Ward. The only thing that my opponents can do is prevent my name from being on the ballot.  Should it get there, then I can assure you that I will win the seat by 7am! And the sky will be the limit after that.

TRIP TO MOMBASA

Last year, my plans to go to Mombasa did not materialise. A deeper analysis of why I didn’t go show that my plan was not realistic. It was based on a wrong assumption that I could afford the cost. But I have had to accept that God did not intend primary school teachers to do some things: like own a permanent house or go to for holiday in Mombasa. Unless they think outside the box.

So what will I do differently this time? I will work hard. I am sure either the drama or music festivals will hold the nationals in Mombasa. Or football or other sports. In the first week after schools open, I will find out which activities will have their nationals in Mombasa. Once I establish that, I will take up the activity, and give it my best all the way to the nationals. I will be able to go to Mombasa, and step on the beaches at the school’s cost. Who knows, we may be there with Fiolina. Even better!

For my plans to succeed, I will start going to church more regularly. That means, I must fully reconcile with Apostle Overseer Elkana, The Revered Spiritual Superintendent of THOAG (The Holiest of All Ghosts) Tabernacle Assembly. Those are my plans folks, what are yours? Happy 2017!

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