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To get Mr Right, you must search for him actively
Finding the one is a game of numbers — and so it is a big mistake to start dating the first guy who comes along. ILLUSTRATION| IGAH
What you need to know:
Phase three takes you from the guys you need to avoid, to the ones with plus points. Enough of these and you can start dreaming of a wedding!
He calls when he says he will, commits to plans in advance and can organise a dinner date. He does gracious little things for you, makes you feel gorgeous, is really nice to your parents — and actually means it.
He knows what he wants and goes for it. He shares your values — like where to live, having children, how to manage your finances.
At long last your career’s where you want it, and it’s time to get married. But after an endless stream of no-hopers — or a long dry spell — how do you find the right guy?
Think of it as a project. Phase one is to make sure you’re meeting enough men. Meeting, note, not dating. Finding Mr Right’s a numbers game — and so it’s a big mistake to start dating the first guy who comes along.
Instead, check out at least two a week! It only takes a few minutes. Polite questions that establish that his career’s going well, he’s available (“…and where does your wife work?”), his background, what he likes doing and so on.
Everyone loves talking about themselves, so the conversation will go well — but remember: the real purpose is to avoid even one date with someone who doesn’t match your needs, interests, values etc!
Phase two continues the weeding out process, as you start dating. Instantly drop any guy who texts you every day for a week and then disappears. Or never seems to have any cash.
Or can’t plan, never follows through, who’s already starting to manipulate you, is nasty to waiters, you’ve never met his friends or his Instagram feed’s full of bamba 20s…
Getting serious
Phase three takes you from the guys you need to avoid, to the ones with plus points. Enough of these and you can start dreaming of a wedding!
He calls when he says he will, commits to plans in advance and can organise a dinner date. He does gracious little things for you, makes you feel gorgeous, is really nice to your parents — and actually means it.
He knows what he wants and goes for it. He shares your values — like where to live, having children, how to manage your finances.
He’s exclusive, honest with you, tells you how he really feels and doesn’t try to change you. Or to micromanage your life. He’s never insecure when you go out without him. Introduces you to his friends and family. Doesn’t complain when you want to visit yours. He trusts you and you trust him. Completely.
He listens. Knows your favourite ice cream and flowers. Your relationship feels like a team, he asks your opinion – and is OK when you disagree.
He takes your side in an argument, encourages you to take risks and wants to see you succeed.
He’s upfront about where your relationship’s going. Happy to get serious. OK discussing issues like marriage or children.
Being with him’s always good, even when the going’s tough. He knows about all your weirdest and grossest habits and can cope with them. You’ve seen each other at your worst – streaming colds and every possible mood. And you love each other in your natural state, sloppy clothes, no makeup…
You sleep much better when he’s next to you. His kisses are beautiful. And the idea of being with anyone else just feels…plain…wrong!
