What a brilliant conversation entails

Everyone wants to make brilliant conversation. But how do you do that? It’s all about preparation and practice. But first, develop the habit of concentrating on how other people are feeling. Because the more outwardly focused you become, the more people will identify with you. Even your spouse and children! 

Be interested in what other people are saying - and listen to them! You’ll make far more friends by being interested in other people than you ever will by trying to get them to be interested in you.

As you listen to others, try to understand their motives and behaviour. Asking yourself whether you’re wrong and they’re right helps, too.

Engage them in deep conversation about their lifestyle. Ask thoughtful questions about them and their interests and priorities - and which convey your values. Really listen to the answers. Follow up with more thoughtful discussion. By the end of the evening they will remember you as one of the most interesting people they ever met! 

Say what you think, because people who agree with everything and never give opinions sound really boring. 

Be curious. Because if you actively seek out new ideas and experiences, people will love talking to you. Pursue areas that you find interesting, and let other people see your excitement.

Don’t be afraid to ask “stupid” questions. There’s no point in pretending you know something when you don’t. So ask - and you’ll probably have a really interesting discussion. 

Read a lot, and work on your sense of humour. Learn to see the lighter side of  life and spend time with interesting people - and you’ll become like them.

Learn how to tell a good story. Especially if you’re male! Because men who can tell a story well - and who have a good sense of humour - are seen as more attractive by women. Don’t just dump whatever is on your mind into the conversation, purposefully shape it to make it interesting. Learn to read your audience to see how long they’ll  pay attention and tease them with clues to the end of the story. Remember that comedians don’t just talk about anything when they’re onstage. They have their act rehearsed. So always be working on a few engaging stories whenever you have a moment.

Prepare “mini conversations,” just a few seconds long. Things you’d like to say if you get the chance. Because it’s just not possible to find the right words on the spur of the moment. Instead, be prepared. And work on your comebacks for when someone says something totally clueless:

“OK, whatever you say.”

“Well, I think we’ve just reached the end of this conversation…”

“You don’t really expect me to answer that, do you?” (And if they say yes: “Get used to disappointment.”)

“That’s easily the most pretentious thing I’ve ever heard!” (And laugh.)

“You’re kidding, right?”

“Excuse me?” (Work on your facial expression and tone of voice.) Then wait.

“I really don’t know how to answer that!”

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