When your kindness and generosity turn out to be an inconvenience

This rainy season reminded me of one of my neighbours in the village where I grew up. He was one of the few that owned a car, an old but trusty cream-coloured Peugeot that he drove to work daily.

This neighbour was a thoughtful man, and readily offered us lifts whenever he spotted us waiting for a matatu at the stage – there was always space for one more person in his car.

Those days, matatus were only a handful, the shortage was so bad, we would actually shove one another out of the way, elbows and all, to get in. It was not strange to wait for a vehicle for an hour or more. A lift from a kind neighbour was therefore godsent, especially during the rainy season.

There was one problem though. This generous man was a die-hard smoker. I think he just couldn’t live without his cigarettes even for a minute, and so he would chain smoke even inside his car.

By the time you thankfully alighted long minutes later, you would be smelling like a chimney from head to toe, never mind that it was in the morning, nursing a congested chest from all the second-hand smoke, and feeling an overwhelming need to take a long thorough bath.

I don’t think he ever realised what he put his passengers through though, because throughout the journey, he would tell never-ending stories, talkative and jolly man he was. Unfortunately, most of those stories did not register, since you would be busy trying to wave off the cigarette smoke from your face, which was futile because only his window worked, so you couldn’t crack a window open to let out some of the fog.

Of course, there was no way you could tell him not to smoke in his own car, just like the way you cannot tell your neighbour what to cook.

After a few such uncomfortable lifts, even you would naturally go out of your way to avoid them, and so we would furtively peep out before stepping out of the gate just to be sure he wasn’t making his way round the corner, or pretend that you hadn’t seen his car stop next to you.

One day, a neighbour very determined not to be offered a lift once dove into a nearby bush when she spotted his car approaching. Unfortunately, he had seen her, and thinking that the dive had been a fall, actually stopped his Peugeot, got out, and kindly helped her to extricate herself from the bush and then magnanimously opened the passenger door for her. I can imagine the state of her mind at that point.

Kindness and the generosity that comes with it can be tricky. You might think that the person you are offering it too appreciates it while in real sense it is an inconvenience or something that this person would rather do without.

A colleague had us in stitches some time back when he narrated his experience after being offered a lift by a colleague after an office party. Before he got into the car, he had wondered why three of his colleagues, who did not have means to go home, had turned away the generous offer, never mind that it was very late in the evening and the party had lost steam.

He found out soon enough that the guy is a suicidal driver – he drives too fast, is prone to jumping lights, and when talking, to emphasise a point, he uses extensive gestures which require him to take his hands off the steering wheel for long seconds. This colleague told us that in the 45 minutes he was being dropped home, he saw death at least 10 times.

When he alighted, he was so giddy with relief, his legs almost gave away. He would later learn that the three colleagues that had turned their backs on that lift knew what awaited him because they had once experienced that death-beckoning ride.

If your friends, relatives or colleagues often turn away your acts of kindness, perhaps it is time you examined yourself critically.   

[email protected]; Twitter: @cnjerius. The writer is the Daily Nation features editor.

FEEDBACK

Actually being locked in a cell is not a good experience. On the other hand it opens our eyes to understand what real freedom is.

Martin

Your article was good. You were lucky not to land in prison.  I was arrested in Murang’a town for allegedly being drunk. The following day, I was fined Sh2,000  which I didn’t have. I was taken to Murang’a prison. My relations knew where I was on the 9th day, that’s when they  bailed me out.

Gabriel

I’m glad to read your article. Sorry I know you went through a lot being the first time in a cell, but what offence did you commit?

Dennis

Sorry for the cell experience. I have been there so I understand. The court system should find ways of facilitating people waiting to pay fines as opposed to locking them in. It takes courage to share a cell experience after a week, kudos!

Ken

I went through the same in Naivasha a few years back. The Judiciary recently released rules that forbid locking up traffic offenders in cells. Fines are supposed to be paid in open court. Please follow up on this. I hope your article helps to stop this time wasting nonsense. 

George

Ordinarily, this part could have left one feeling awful but you put it in such a hilarious way that one is left laughing. “C.N. was here, 2017.” 

Stephen