Why put unfair pressure on children in quest for exemplary performance?

There are hundreds of parents out there who subject their children to torture because of the coveted 400 mark. PHOTO| FILE| NATION MEDIA GROUP

What you need to know:

  • Everyone in the office was appalled, because to them, a score of 387 was not only good, it was commendable.
  • When one of them pointed this fact out, this man almost bit her head off, telling her that she had no right to talk — after all, this was his child, not hers, and he knew that she was capable of much better than that.

The Kenya Certificate of Primary Education exams results are out, and as I write this, there are many families in inconsolable anguish and turmoil because their children did not manage to get the over 400 marks they had been expecting. 

On the day the results were announced, I was told a story that brings to the fore the immense, unfair pressure that we, parents, subject our children to in our quest for exemplary performance.

The teller of the story recounted how his colleague got visibly agitated when he learnt that his daughter had scored 387 marks, out of the possible 500 marks. It turns out that he had expected her to score above 400 marks.

“Now how am I supposed to get her a good school with such marks?!” he exclaimed, visibly upset, disappointment written all over his face.

When he called his daughter, she answered the phone crying, and apologised to her father for having “failed.”

The father did not console her in anyway, or reassure her that she had done her best; he did not even acknowledge the apology.

Everyone in the office was appalled, because to them, a score of 387 was not only good, it was commendable.

When one of them pointed this fact out, this man almost bit her head off, telling her that she had no right to talk — after all, this was his child, not hers, and he knew that she was capable of much better than that.

This is just one parent, mind you, I bet there are hundreds of others just like this father gnashing their teeth, pulling their hair out in frustration and having sleepless nights wondering what “they” did to deserve a child who couldn’t manage the coveted 400 marks.

The poor child, meanwhile, is on the verge of depression, convinced that the world has come to an end, feeling terrible for having disappointed his parents, sure that he will always be a failure in the eyes of the two people he looks up to.

Seriously, is 387 a poor score? What about the child that managed to gather a measly 100-and-something marks?

I have always tried to be forthright about the kind of student I was, and I think that at least once before, I have admitted here that I was no genius – I am probably the kind that teachers tentatively like to describe as “average” – not badly off, but not that exceptional either, though I would never tell my children that – as far as they know, I was the brightest in my class, so it might be possible that I am preaching water, yet drinking wine under the cover of darkness.

That aside, I don’t recall being given a hard time at home for not getting certain marks, or becoming a certain position, and for that, I am grateful.

I will definitely bear this in mind when my children start sitting for those big exams, if that will still be the case with new curriculum. 

 

[email protected] Twitter: @cnjerius. The writer is the editor, myNetwork in the Daily Nation