Women, start setting the tone and taking the lead

Start things off earlier in the day by sending him raunchy texts at work. ILLUSTRATION | IGAH

What you need to know:

  • If you just lie there and don’t do much, he’ll probably think you’re doing it for him.
  • Start things off by always going to bed together at the same time each evening. Make a point of chatting together as you have a last snack, get ready for bed and settle down.
  • And avoid subtle hints. Men simply don’t get them. Instead, just say it out loud! Laugh and smile — making love doesn’t have to be serious.

How often do you take the lead? Is it always your husband who starts things off? Sooner or later, that’s going to cause problems - and you’re missing out on a lot of fun!

So what should you do?

Start things off by always going to bed together at the same time each evening. Make a point of chatting together as you have a last snack, get ready for bed and settle down. Simply going to bed at the same time each day means you’ll make love much more often. So no more surfing on your own screens!

Did you grow up somehow being taught that good girls don’t like sex? An upbringing like that can make it hard to be upfront. Start changing that by talking positively about sex afterwards: “Wow, that was really good!” And soon you’ll be able to talk about it anytime you like.

Stop thinking yourself out of it: “Do I really want to tonight? I’m not really sure I’m in the mood…” Instead, anytime the thought occurs to you, just do it!

SPECIAL SIGNS

And avoid subtle hints. Men simply don’t get them. Instead, just say it out loud! Laugh and smile — making love doesn’t have to be serious.

If talking still feels difficult, use your hands instead. Snuggle up behind him, start kissing his ear, and let your hands wander. Watching a movie together? Rest your hand somewhere creative… Start things off earlier in the day by sending him raunchy texts at work.

Or even if you’re in the same room — and with the children! Or create a private code to tell him you’re interested, even when you’re with others: “Have you charged your batteries, dear?”

Or create some non-verbal signals that tell him you’re in the mood. Like lighting a particular candle at dinner. Wearing a certain piece of jewellery. Or laying out a special nightie in the morning, so you both spend all day thinking about each other… You also need a signal that says not just “tonight,” but RIGHT NOW! Like wearing a particularly romantic dress, or one of his shirts, and nothing else at all. Or you could get into bed naked. Or wearing a really sultry sex-only perfume, that you never wear at any other time. Using a scent like that regularly can become highly arousing.

Always follow through. So if romance crosses your mind, then start things off early, rather than letting stuff like the news, Facebook, or a movie make you so tired you just want to sleep.

And once you’re heading towards the bedroom, go on being pro-active. Touch him. Guide his hands. Tell him exactly what you want. Because being upfront shows him that you like sex as much as he does.

While if you just lie there and don’t do much, he’ll probably think you’re just doing it for him. Show him you’re interested, and your sex life will get a whole lot better!