You hold the keys to your happiness

“Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be,” A. Lincoln

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What you need to know:

  • The final way to increase bliss, I discovered was to give someone something to look forward to. It’s amazing how happy we get by making others happy. Want to be happy? Make someone happy. Give, the Bible tells us, and it will come back to you, good measure, pressed down and running over.

When my children were younger, their favourite question on long road trips was, “Are we there yet”? That question would rear it’s head a few minutes into the bus or car ride and constantly after roughly 30 minute intermissions. Never mind that we had several hours of the trip to go.

As an adult, I find that the question that regularly bugs me, is this: Am I happy yet? How will I know when I arrive at my “happy place”? What does it look like? What if it doesn’t last? And, what happens when I lose my “happy”? How do I recreate it again?

Happiness, as most people soon discover is fleeting and often times elusive. Like those cotton wild flowers that blow in the wind, you occasionally stumble on it when you are not looking for it. It holds you in it’s brief blissful grasp before slipping away to some unknown place.

As children, we pegged our happiness on future events that included graduating from school,  our first job, getting married, having a child to buying a car or a piece of land.

Then we got some of those things and while they brought some temporary happiness, it didn’t last. And so we picked our sorry selves up and begun the search for the next big thing that would make us happy, even for that brief moment.

However, in my own personal quest to find my bliss, I’ve realised that there’s something wrong with that formula. If we can only be happy after some great accomplishments, then we are not going to be happy most of our lives.

Why? For the reason that those accomplishments, even for the most accomplished, are usually few and far between. Most of life is lived, not on the mountain peaks but in the valleys of the daily.

American television personality Andy Rooney remarked, “For most of life, nothing wonderful happens. If you don’t enjoy getting up and working and finishing your work and sitting down to a meal with your family or friends, then the chances are you’re not

going to be very happy. If someone bases his/her happiness on major events like a great job, huge amounts of money, a flawlessly happy marriage or a trip to Paris, that person isn’t going to be happy much of the time.

If on the other hand, happiness depends on a good breakfast, flowers in the yard, a drink or a nap, then we are more likely to live with quite a bit of happiness.”

“But,” I hear you interject, “You don’t know how crappy my job is, how difficult to love my partner is and just how little money I have to get by. Sure I can be happy... when I get a better job, change my spouse and have more money in the bank.”

It sounds reasonable except that some of the happiest people in the world don’t have the most money or the best jobs or most wonderful spouses. Our focus should be on wanting what we have rather than agonising over what we don’t, because you are not always going to get what you want in life.

The second way to increase my bliss quotient, I discovered, was to add something simple to look forward to in my day. As I planned my day, I would add one item of joy from my bliss list.

These were things that are guaranteed to make me happy and sadly, it took me a long time to find out what they were. My bliss list includes a favourite meal prepared the way my mother used to make it, committing a random act of kindness, music, reading,

catching up with a close friend, a hug from my children and a cup of herbal tea. Most of these, I can add to my day. Others include travelling, watching a captivating play or film, working in my garden or doing some volunteer work.

Much of that can be added to my half year bliss goals. After you complete your short-term bliss goals, create some long term bliss goals. The idea is not to wait for some random day to be happy but to plan for it today and work towards it in the future.

The final way to increase bliss, I discovered was to give someone something to look forward to. It’s amazing how happy we get by making others happy. Want to be happy? Make someone happy. Give, the Bible tells us, and it will come back to you, good

measure, pressed down and running over.