We’re all a glance away from an affair

Most people think cheating’s all about men. But actually, women cheat just as much. For different reasons and at different times in their lives, but the numbers add up the same.

Everyone says they’ll never cheat. Or forgive a cheating spouse. But they do. And it’s not true that women are more forgiving than men – some can be utterly spiteful!

Most of the reasons women cheat are exactly the same as for men. But women are more likely to have an affair with someone they already know well – or a celebrity! They’re also most likely to have one as they approach 40. When many women get a subconscious urge to have one last child – with another man. And start taking all sorts of risks that result in one night stands!

Most cheaters start when their marriage is going through a bad patch. Their spouse is giving them a hard time, being negative or critical, and they feel misunderstood, unheard or unappreciated. And then someone offers a sympathetic ear…

So we’re all just a glance away from an affair. All that stops us is a really solid marriage, so if you want your spouse to be faithful, treat them well!

Because cheating isn’t really about morals. Or promises. Cheating’s actually a risk management issue. There are high risk behaviours. Like heavy drinking, and lots of single friends. And behaviours that protect your marriage. Like being open and honest together – and having a really great sex life!

People rarely agree on what cheating is exactly. Like when does texting a friend become cheating? Are you cheating if you have lunch together. Or flirt? Is cheating limited to sex?

Your partner’s probably cheating if they text at all hours and in strange places, like the bathroom. They’re secretive about their phone or Facebook account. They’re suddenly acting differently, or coming home late and too exhausted to hang out with you. Endless “plans with friends” that don’t include you.

New clothes, hairdo, exercising, sudden mood swings for no apparent reason. Trying all kinds of new things in bed. Hiding their finances. When you try to call them at the office, they don’t pick up. When you text, they don’t respond. They forget things and sometimes their stories make no sense.

You could confront them. But don’t expect an honest answer unless you have solid proof. And consider talking to a counsellor before you do. They’ll help you decide if the relationship’s worth saving. And if the answer’s yes, how to go about it.

Because most couples do recover. Especially couples who start being truly honest with one another – maybe for the very first time – and start asking the right questions. Like “was I partly to blame for all this?” And really getting to understand why things went wrong. While those who fail, see the problem in terms of blame. And won’t let go. Because it’s very hard to go on after an affair if there’s no forgiveness.

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