Have trouble setting attainable goals? Worry not, here’s the secret

The New Year is finally here.  No matter the mistakes or setbacks of the previous year, the words ‘Happy New Year’ no doubt bring a sense of hope and rejuvenation.  That is why most of us toast to good tidings and hope that our lives will be much better than the previous year. PHOTO| FILE| NATION MEDIA GROUP

What you need to know:

  • MyNetwork talked to life coach, chief executive officer and lead coach of True North Coaching, Ivy Luta, on how to set achievable goals.
  • True North Coaching is a  company that uses coaching to enable individuals and organisations to fully realise their potential.

The New Year is finally here.  No matter the mistakes or setbacks of the previous year, the words ‘Happy New Year’ no doubt bring a sense of hope and rejuvenation.  That is why most of us toast to good tidings and hope that our lives will be much better than the previous year. 

It is that time when we resolve to lose weight, get new jobs, score good marks in our examinations, drop some friends, eat right, expand  businesses and what have you.

There is nothing wrong to say all those things but you need to ensure that those goals are S.M.A.R.T: Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Time bound.

MyNetwork talked to life coach, chief executive officer and lead coach of True North Coaching, Ivy Luta, on how to set achievable goals.

True North Coaching is a  company that uses coaching to enable individuals and organisations to fully realise their potential.

 

1. What is the difference between resolutions and goals?

In definition not much, in practice, everything. Goals are target desires you are most likely to make a plan around and work on. Resolutions are most often ripe with problem areas and relevance. New Year’s resolutions are most likely recurrent, because you were not able to accomplish them in the previous year. The first reason for not accomplishing your new year’s resolutions is relevance. The goals you set just don’t fit your new life path and you don’t give yourself permission to drop or change them. The second reason is not knowing that to set and action goals is a skill, which you need to grow, to accomplish goals.

  

2. Why should I set goals in the first place. Is it restrictive?

Setting goals is restrictive, but because you lack the skills to set and action goals, it seems overly unattainable. The two restrictions are the What and When. What  is where you source your goals from. Be it from cultural norms, parents, peers, family practices and government systems among other things. You base your goals on what these groups expect you to achieve such as you should be married, own a car, be a manager at a blue chip company, have five children and so forth.

From our early 20’s to early 40’s, we are likely to go through life stages that make us question the validity of our goals. This crisis is good to have. It compels us to create goals which are more meaningful to us. On the flip side, some peer pressure isn’t bad as long as it helps us to accomplish goals at a more reasonable age in life.

The When is the more elusive question. It reflects a time frame.  It helps you know that there is a natural life calendar. A person’s life is marked by seasons. These seasons are defined by a highly motivated or highly frustrated situation. This heightened state pushes us out of our norm so that we are able to respond to it. And in turn we are more likely to achieve big life goals and dreams in a bid to respond to the frustration or motivation. A health issue may cause us to seek solutions and in the process we pick up a sport or accomplishment like running a marathon. We may desire a career shift and in responding to this, we may end up moving to the destination of our dreams or meeting our future spouse, for instance.

 

3. At times it’s difficult to stick to a goal. How can you stick to a goal?

You need to understand and practice key principles of habit change:

a. Pick habits and tasks that work well with how you were best designed to function. For instance, are you an evening or morning person? Would you prefer to pace your goals, or do you enjoy the adrenaline of working intensely for a shorter period of time? Which has yielded more results, working with others or by yourself? Consider those.

b. Pace yourself. Don’t work on multiple goals concurrently. Sometimes we work on two goals at the same time without knowing it, for instance hitting the gym early; those are two goals; first is waking up early and secondly; sticking to being consistent at the gym. Chose one first, perfect and move to the next one.

c. It takes 60 days, not 21, for a habit to form and almost become second nature. This knowledge can half if not quarter your yearly goals. Because you would focus more on setting fewer attainable individual goals and make it a positive lifestyle change. Less is more.

d. Reshape your thinking about the process. Remembering that you forgot to do a certain task as part of your goals is a good thing. That is a clear indication that you are forming a habit. For example, you realise something is not right and realise you forgot to meditate in the morning. That means the meditation is becoming a habit.

e. Your mind was designed to learn from failure! Yes it was, you are likely to accelerate habit formation, when you fall off the routine and come back to it in not more than four days. Just because you missed a few days, don’t give up. Keep at it, you will pick up faster.

  

4. What kind of things should I consider when setting financial goals?

Without a hawk eye on your expenditure, you’ll probably spend your money on things you don’t value. However, you should set up your finances to honour the things that you value. For example, you may like fun recreation, gadgets, service to people, holiday and family time, travel, books, education. Those are things you value. Pay your bills on time, reduce your debt and save up more so that you’re able to enjoy travelling and the other things that you love doing. Let your values drive abetter financial practices.

 

5. What should I consider when setting health goals?

Scientists are now realising that they were wrong about how the body works. For weight loss, the body will not be held hostage, don’t force diets and exercises that you find yourself naturally resisting. Many of us focus mostly on nutrition and exercise, which is great. But the success or failure of your goals heavily relies on your mental well being. When you are stressed, depressed, or anxious, you are less likely to be in the right frame of mind to do what you set out to do. Your mental health comes first, if you are positive and aware of your emotions, the positive outcome is evident in your body.

 

 

6. What  should I consider when setting career goals?

Match your goals to the correct life stage. Jim Collins, American Author of the book, Good to Great, points out the following life stages:

Discovery stage: This happens between preteens to 25 years.

Preparation stage: This is between 25 to 40s. This is the longest stage. It is when you discover your core values, gain life and work competencies, and establish a lifestyle that enables you to thrive.

Convergence stage: This is in your 40s. It is a stage of mastery. Mastery is defined by competence and environment. You may have two authors with great potential, but the one who invests in an environment that enhances his competence, will have the luxury to practice and master his craft while the other will only have been known for his potential.

Fulfillment stage: This is 50’s and beyond. It is considered the last stage, where one oozes purpose, whether or not they have a platform or career vehicle for it.

 

 

7. What should I consider when setting goals for my relationships?

We understand we need competence to achieve things but this principle is highly overlooked when it comes to relationships; especially romantic relationships. One of the best examples is dating… it would all be easier if we met at the line which says “ready for marriage”, but there’s a dating process before, which is truly a preparation for marriage.

Best selling British author, Matthew Hussey, in his book Get the Guy, is a great resource for women looking to be more competent in dating. American Comedian and Author, Steve Harvey, also provides insight on the male psyche in his book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. Men are not necessarily the influencers of the relationship, but they determine the pace and sureness of the relationship.

In all relationships, whether business, friendship and family, you also need to consider understanding your abilities to initiate, maintain connections, receive feedback, resolve conflict, and also learn to communicate effectively with different personalities.

 

 

8. What other area of my life should I set goals for?

The most overlooked is mental wellness. Our state of mental wellbeing can greatly curtail or enhance the quality of our lives. Most successful leaders will confess that this is a positive game changer.

 

9.How often should I review these goals?

You first need to define a starting point so that you’re not unnecessarily flogging yourself for something you haven’t really started. Secondly, have a midpoint review. This is where you evaluate if the strategy you are using is working or if it needs change. It is at this midpoint review, that you can also give yourself permission to drop the goal if it’s revealing itself to not be what you’re looking for. And lastly, have an end point, there’s only so long you can actively and dedicatedly work at something. This is a huge slip-up and quite tiring for the mind when it imagines you will be going at this for life. So define an end point. Going forward you only expect to be doing some maintenance work on your goal, once you define these points.

 

 

10. What if I slip up and miss my set targets, should I just ditch the goal?

A slip-up is a good opportunity to question if the goal is still relevant and important to you. And if it happens to still be, then you are lucky as the brain was designed to learn and succeed on failure.  If you fall off the wagon and resume within a period of four days, not only is your resolve even more fortified, but new mirror neurons in the brain that were forming in response to your new habit connect and are sheathed even more rapidly than they would have if you were being consistent.

 

11. I am not very disciplined generally, why should I even bother with this goal-setting thing?

You’ll be surprised by how much more you can accomplish if you work through your core values. Core values reveal your inner design, if you understand it, you can choose things that work for you.

 

12. I have always had big dreams but I was told that I should be more realistic, should I give up on my dreams?

Don’t give up! Evaluate the relevance of your dreams to your life goals and acquire and practise skills in setting and working on your goals to form new healthy habits.

 

 

13. Are dream/ vision boards important when setting goals? Do they have an effect?

Dream/ vision boards are the fad that never dies and for good reason, they work. They harness the way the subconscious works. The subconscious cannot distinguish between what has been thought and what has been experienced. It takes mental pictures that stand out to you and seeks to recreate this in your actual life, much the same way we match puzzle pieces to its image. So creating a vision board is a powerful experience for your subconscious as it pre-lives your dreams, and it becomes easier for you to notice and draw in elements and resources that make it happen. Writing down your dream goal as if it has already happened, as if you’re looking back and taking it through a goal setting process, have the same effect, if not more.

 

14. Do I need a life coach or a mentor to help me stick to my goals?

A life coach is a change expert; they work with you to meet your goals sooner and more efficiently. You choose a mentor because they have succeeded in the area you are looking to succeed. And most importantly they did it in a way you resonate with. Therefore, a mentor helps you walk an easier path because they’ve walked that path before.

 

15. How do I find a life coach or a mentor?

When looking for a coach, look for competence and chemistry. A coach uses powerful questions to illuminate the resources and direction that would best result in your desired outcome.

Both can be found through referral from other professionals in people development and friends who are keen on personal development. For coaches, you can find them on LinkedIn Opportunity which, is a networking matchmaker on LinkedIn. There are a few good coaching schools namely Life Forming Leadership Centre on Ngong Road (where I attended school), Destiny Life Coaching School, CDI-Africa, Preferred Personnel who run a coaching course for interviewing skills and lastly, there is an ICF coaching chapter in Kenya.

 

16.How effective has goal setting been for you as a life coach, do you follow your own advice?

It has been the game changer for me, I always work through my core values, not aspirational values. I know how I was created to function and I design my life so that I can take full advantage of it.