ASK HR: My colleague keeps  stressing me out with her marital problems

Q. My colleague, who sits opposite me at work, often discusses her husband with me. I am afraid she rarely has anything good to say about him.

I have never met the poor man, but so far what I’ve heard is that he is irresponsible, a good-for-nothing man, a bad father and an even worse husband. I find this negative talk draining and unfair because I have nothing to do with her problems and I would prefer not to hear about them. How do I tell her I’m uncomfortable listening to her domestic problems without offending her?

Happy New Year to you  all, dear readers!

Although I’m not a relationship expert, I have observed that colleagues in the office often discuss issues that should be handled out of the workplace. I hope the discussions take place when you are on break, otherwise you are taking up your employer’s time discussing personal issues.

Your colleague and her husband clearly have issues they need to discuss with  a counsellor so that they can improve their relationship. It seems she is unhappy and finds solace in sharing her issues with you, unaware that she is stressing you out. Be kind to her since she is going through a difficult period in her relationship.

Your organisation might have a facility that offers counselling to staff, which the HR department can help her access.

Communication in all types of relationships is very fundamental since it creates an avenue for the parties to express their views on the issues under discussion. Encourage her to discuss the issues she faces with her husband in the presence of a trusted relative or friend in order to get an amicable solution.

She might also be exhibiting behaviour that makes her husband  act in a certain manner, which  infuriates her, so you should also ask her to critically review her conduct without heaping all the blame on her partner.

Advise her to also focus on the positive side of the relationship, for instance, their children and the companionship. We often take what we have for granted – until we lose it.

Still, you should not shy away from letting her know you are not comfortable discussing her personal issues. Besides, it is also not fair to discuss such issues in the office since you share the workspace with other colleagues, making the environment unfavourable for them. Her problems  might also affect her productivity.

Advise her to take some time off work to clear her mind. Please give her moral support as she seeks a solution since it seems she trusts you.