ASK HR: My colleagues avoid me because they think I am snobbish. Help!

My colleagues think I am snobbish and often tease me while some simply ignore me. PHOTO| FILE| NATION MEDIA GROUP

What you need to know:

  • You need to reflect about the reasons your colleagues consider you to be snobbish and never invite you to their Friday evening rendezvous.
  • Is it only because you are a reserved person? It is possible to find pleasant reserved people who are not snobbish.
  • While reserved individuals may not have great propensity for social interaction, they do not necessarily lack the ability to nurture meaningful relationships.

Q. I am a 26-year-old IT specialist. I am a naturally reserved lady, so I rarely participate in office banter. My colleagues think I am snobbish and often tease me while some simply ignore me. My colleagues often go out together on Friday evenings, but never ask me to tag along. I feel so isolated and miserable. What should I do to become happier at work?

 

To feel miserable and isolated in an environment where you spend a significant part of your life is unfortunate. It is unsurprising therefore that you seek to be happier at work. 

The definition and experience of happiness is largely a personal matter which cannot be prescribed to you by others. Different individuals will find happiness in different experiences based on their purpose and values. People generally appear to draw happiness from, among other sources, accomplishing their goals and realising their desires. 

It appears you consider a sense of belonging and congenial social interaction with colleagues to be part of the answer to your need for happiness at work. Yes, the ability to forge and sustain meaningful relationships in life could contribute to a sense of contentment and happiness.

Although the nature and extent may vary with differences in personality, individuals need interaction with others in life. Ability to cultivate relationships is therefore an asset.  

You need to reflect about the reasons your colleagues consider you to be snobbish and never invite you to their Friday evening rendezvous. Is it only because you are a reserved person? It is possible to find pleasant reserved people who are not snobbish.

While reserved individuals may not have great propensity for social interaction, they do not necessarily lack the ability to nurture meaningful relationships.

Perhaps your colleagues think you are not interested in their social activities.

 You could ask to be included rather than await an invitation. You may also seek their view on what you need to do differently to belong.

The impact of innocuous social turns such as a meal or conversation with colleagues and being kind in your interactions might pleasantly surprise you.

Happiness is not hooked on personality; it is as accessible to the bashful as it is to the gregarious.