How can I improve communication with my husband?
I have been married to my husband for five years and we have two children. My husband and I argue a lot. Photo/FILE
What you need to know:
Take that time to also sort out the real reason why you feel offended; for example, when your husband protests your new project, could it be that you feel like he is ‘controlling’?
This is the real issue you need to solve, and the project is just a symptom of the issue.
Q: I have been married to my husband for five years and we have two children. My husband and I argue a lot.
There is a project that I started and when I told him about it he protested. I told him that I will go on with it whether he agrees or not. We rarely talk and when we do, we end up arguing.
He complains that I always hurt him through the way I talk to him. What is the best way to communicate with him? This is really affecting my marriage and I fear we may part soon. Please help.
A: Effective communication is a strong pillar in any marriage, and since you want yours to survive, it is important for you to learn how to use it well.
From the look of things, it seems that you choose moments when you are offended and angry to start a conversation with your husband. It is often hard to be reasonable and rational when you are emotionally charged. Good communication should be non-confrontational. So when you are angry, I suggest that you take time to calm down before any dialogue.
'A CONTROLLING HUSBAND'?
Take that time to also sort out the real reason why you feel offended; for example, when your husband protests your new project, could it be that you feel like he is ‘controlling’?
This is the real issue you need to solve, and the project is just a symptom of the issue. If you sort out how you feel about what you consider his ‘controlling’ nature, future conversations about other issues will be easier to solve.
Take some time to put yourself in his position and ‘listen’ to the words you speak to him; how would you feel if he said those words to you? If you feel pained, why are you putting the man you profess to love through that pain?
Next time you have a disagreement, filter your words, and always remember that you are lovers, not enemies. Everything you say to him should come from a position of love, not antagonism.
You, your husband and children are a unit now, and so if you choose to start a new project, please consider their opinions on it, and lose the arrogant attitude. If things get really difficult, please see a marriage counsellor.
