AUNT TRUPHENA: Should I leave my drunkard husband?
I take care of our children and cater for all our upkeep. He just drinks. PHOTO| FILE |NATION MEDIA GROUP
What you need to know:
- I take care of our children and cater for all our upkeep. He just drinks. I have now developed stomach ulcers. I’m usually a quiet person and I have not shared this with any of our family members.
- Now, you must look for a way to cater for your health and your children. It seems like you have taken on your husband’s problems.
- Yes, you are tired of your marriage and leaving your husband will be really difficult – but, the most difficult things in life are the ones that are most worthwhile.
Q: My husband started drinking some weeks after our honeymoon and now it has become a habit that has really affected our marriage. I keep telling myself that he will change but he has gotten worse. I take care of our children and cater for all our upkeep. He just drinks. I have now developed stomach ulcers. I’m usually a quiet person and I have not shared this with any of our family members. I don’t know where to start, so I always act like everything is okay with my family. I am not happy at all and I must leave my husband now before it really affects my kids. I have tried and tried to make my marriage work. What do I do? How do I start?
A: Thank you for your question. It is sad that you have stayed in a stressful marriage for that long, considering that your husband started being irresponsible right from the start. You have even developed ulcers due to stress.
Now, you must look for a way to cater for your health and your children. It seems like you have taken on your husband’s problems.
However you have enough of your own problems, not to mention the fact that you also have to look after your kids. The first thing is to accept that there is a big problem in your marriage and that it is beyond you. With this in mind, make a decision to share with trusted family members and friends. Look, you have been living in your own cocoon, afraid to talk about your marriage for the sake of its reputation. What reputation? In any case your marriage is not working and the hard truth is it is heading badly south.
It is therefore important that you look for a way to get any form of support from the people around you. You may also consider visiting a counsellor. Through a family mediator, you may consider talking to your husband concerning his behaviour and how it is taking a toll in your marriage and children.
If he promises to change, then you can give him a chance. If he does not, please know that it is impossible to live in a marriage where one partner is not interested.
Yes, you are tired of your marriage and leaving your husband will be really difficult – but, the most difficult things in life are the ones that are most worthwhile.
My best wishes.
