PLAIN TRUTH: Be pro-stuff, not just anti-stuff

Saturday November 11 2017

If you ask her what she wants in a man she will

If you ask her what she wants in a man she will tell you that she hates short men, or broke men, or lazy men. But she doesn’t have as clear an idea of what kind of man she likes. PHOTO | FILE NATION MEDIA GROUP

By JOAN THATIAH
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I went to this new restaurant in Nairobi with a friend a few days ago. She couldn’t decide what to order, which was unsurprising.

What struck me, though, was that while she didn’t know what she wanted to eat, she was clear about what she didn’t want.

She reminds me of a new breed of men cropping up, especially on social media. These are sad men in their mid and late-20s who thrive on hating women.

Some of them have actually made careers out of tearing at successful women around them. While the things they say and do are unforgiveable, I think we all played a part in getting us here.

This out-break of men who will not hesitate to create an untrue story about or hurl abuses at any woman who even fleetingly feels like a threat to his ‘masculinity’ has something to do with how we are raising our sons.

While we are raising our girls to be self-sufficient, boys are pampered and raised to have no sense of responsibility, only entitlement.

Thus the current tragedy. What is sad is that if you ask him what he stands for, what he is passionate about, he will not know. He only knows that he hates successful women.

YOU MUST STAND FOR SOMETHING

We have a lot of people like this, especially online, who are passionately against certain politicians, groups of people, musicians or causes.

But you will never see them passionately campaigning for anything. There are also women who define themselves by the things they hate.

If you ask her what she wants in a man she will tell you that she hates short men, or broke men, or lazy men. But she doesn’t have as clear an idea of what kind of man she likes.

We have women forming friendships on the basis of the things they hate, the things they are against.

Women who end up spending valuable time, energy and data bundles researching and trying to explain to others why they hate the things they hate.

Subsequently, we have groups of people spreading negativity and hating other people or causes for no reason at all. Haters.

I think that defining yourself by those things that you are against, getting together with other people just because you hate the same things, is a weak foundation for anything.

Try spreading positivity by talking about the things you love – the things that excite you, the people that inspire you. Let it be that you will be remembered for being passionate about something.

If you have your own passions, if you have things going for you, then you will easily acknowledge the successes of others. You will be quick to congratulate them when they do good; you will give standing ovations. Have a stand. For something.