Can women have no-strings -attached relationships?

Perhaps you are single, but in a no-strings-attached (NSA) sexual relationship. Although you are careful not to let your emotions get in the way, you feel like you are beginning to like the person you have been sleeping with.

However, you fear that he may not feel the same way about you. Well, you are not alone.

With the liberalisation of sexual relationships, casual hook-ups are now more common than ever. On one hand are women who say that their emotions will not stand in the way of having sex. On the other hand are women who engage in casual hook-ups but with the hope that something serious will come out of that relationship. And herein lies the nagging question on whether women can really have casual sex and emerge unscathed emotionally.

JUST LIKE MEN

According to Chris Hart, a psychologist, it is possible for women to handle hook-ups just as easily as men.

“Women pick out a man and make a decision about whether to go to bed with him or not in much the same way men do,” he says.

Notably, Dr Hart observes, women who get stuck on their sexual partners emotionally may be driven by a sub-conscious need to have their emotional intimacy needs fulfilled.

 Nonetheless, staying in a casual hook-up for any length of time remains a challenge for many women. According to Dr Hart, when casual sex  occur, it is the man who is more likely to get more out of the hook-up than the woman.

“However, both will end up feeling regretful, guilty, disappointed or embarrassed,” he says.

 “Many hook-ups are also unintentional, fueled by a night out drinking or taking drugs or even coercion,” he adds.

Further, according to a study on sexual hook-up culture by the American Psychological Association, such hook-ups tend to leave more strings attached than many participants might first assume. No-strings-attached relationships also have biological consequences.

According to Dr Marie Hartwell-Walker, a therapist who writes for Psych Central, “Both men and women release oxytocin, the hormone that calms, soothes and mellows sexual partners, during orgasm.

This hormone bonds people to each other and is associated with maintaining healthy relationships,” she says, adding that this is what partly makes the woman see her friend with benefits as someone more than the man who meets her sexual needs.

“She bonds, but he doesn’t. One day she whispers, ‘Maybe I love you.’ He’s outraged. This wasn’t the deal!”

 Strikingly, Dr Hart observes that one of the key negative aspects of hook-ups is the possibility of infidelity in future long-term relationships.

LINGERING HANGOVER

“The hook-up culture encourages serial cheaters who form (cheating) patterns that often spill over into marriage. The more people cheat presently, the more likely they are to cheat in future,” he says.

Although many women may find it difficult to have casual sex without getting their hearts involved or having any expectations, Christine Hassler, the author of Expectation Hangover: Overcoming Disappointment in Work, Love and Life, notes that there are two conditions in which hooking up can be possible without a lingering hangover.

“The first is when the woman is 100 per cent comfortable and empowered in her own sexuality, totally asks for what she wants and honours her boundaries, has zero expectations and is not looking for a relationship of any kind,” she says.

“The second is when the guy is way more into her than she is into him. If a woman feels smothered by a guy she doesn’t really like much, she is more likely to leave easily and move on.”

If you find yourself reeling from the disappointment of a no-strings-attached union, Hassler advises that your first step should be to take back the reigns of your sexuality.

 “Take back your sexuality and control it according to your character and the kind of intimacy you want to share with the other person,” she says.

“Explore ways to experience sensuality and express your sexuality in ways that don’t make you feel bad about yourself.”