Contraception is not a free pass

“Are you on the pill?” or “Did you use a condom?” are the questions that a woman who confesses to having had casual sex is most likely to be asked. If she answers in the affirmative, then the person asking will sigh with relief, as if the presence of contraception makes everything better.

I think there is a problem. I think women today are seeing contraception for the things it isn’t – like a free pass to eternal casual sex. Contraception gives a woman freedom to decide for herself when and where to reproduce. This ability to control her life is very empowering. The thought, however, that being on birth control is a free pass to promiscuity is false.

This illusion of power that the woman carries takes me back to a mob of young men and women I encountered last evening in Baba Dogo slum.

Leading at the front was a girl, who didn’t look a day older than 16. She was chanting and blowing into a big plastic horn while the mob behind her ran, chanted and snatched phones and handbags from those who stood in their way.

PRICE TO PAY

She seemed to be on a high, a false high, just like the woman who is on birth control and thinks that she can get away with anything. If the research that has been done on youth gangs in Kenya is true, then this girl had to trade sex for membership and status in the gang. Her sense of control and power is thus only an illusion.

That thought that the only thing standing between a woman and promiscuity is the fear of getting pregnant is old fashioned, I agree. But what we seem to be forgetting is that pregnancy isn’t the only consequence of engaging in casual sex.

There are certain life threatening conditions like oral cancer and cervical cancer that even condoms can’t prevent. There’s also a horde of psychological issues that comes with having relations with a string of people. Promiscuity, just like other thrill seeking endeavors, is an escape from something. It keeps a woman from actually dealing with her feelings or the things that are wrong in her life. It limits growth.

I am all for a woman having choices. For this reason, I will not wade into the moral debate on what a woman should or should not be doing with her body. You will say that social equality is important, I hear you. But before you make that choice which makes you equal to the other gender, think of the adverse consequences these choices have on you.

Whatever you choose to go with, do not fool yourself that there is such a thing as casual sex without consequences, even when birth control is used.