Driven to insanity

The incident of a woman chopping off a husband’s penis is causing ripples in marriages. Some men married to Nyeri women are warming up to the idea of a divorce.

“You see, we have always had a loving relationship but since that chopping incident occurred, my husband rarely talks to me and has even intimated that he may have to reconsider our eight-year-old marriage,” said Rosemary when she came to the clinic for counselling.

The couple had hitherto lived a happy life. They had two children. I requested that the man be brought to the clinic for couples counselling instead of talking to Rosemary alone.

Two days later Rosemary was back with Tim, her husband.

“Maybe it is just a matter of time before I face the same fate!” he said, “I need to get out of this marriage.”

Well, Nyeri women are not the first in history to chop off their husband’s penises. One of the most publicised cases of this act was that of John and Lorena Bobbitt. It happened in 1993.

John, having had one too many bottles of alcohol, was asleep on the bed, with Lorena beside him. Lorena chopped off the man’s penis and drove off with it in her hand. She threw it away in the fields.

John was admitted to hospital. After a long search, the organ was found. A nine-hour surgery re-united John with his penis. Lorena was locked up and a court process commenced. It is the information that came from the court process that convinces me that we should be slow in judging Nyeri women.

SEXUAL FRUSTRATION

That incident should not have happened in the first place, but in court Lorena revealed that John was sexually mean. He always had an orgasm but left her hanging. That totally upset her.

To be fair to John Bobbitt, he probably lacked sex skills to satisfy his wife, or maybe the wife is the one who lacked skills to help her get an orgasm. Whatever the case, the question is did they seek help to correct this situation?

Doesn’t this mirror what commonly happens in families today? There are many married people who are sexually dissatisfied but not taking any step to correct the situation. Instead the woman, who in most cases is the one not getting satisfaction, gets frustrated and this can lead into any cruel act.

But that was not the only issue John Bobbitt and Lorena had. John also raped his wife. She felt like a sex slave. I hope no man forces his wife to have sex in this day and age. Communication on sex matters and negotiation is the best way for partners. However, the fact that men vehemently rejected the law on marital rape in our parliament a while back could be a pointer to the fact that forced sex in marriage happens. There is a disturbing belief that once a woman has consented to marriage she has consented to sex and that there should be no further negotiation on this in the bedroom. This is unfortunate because desire for sex varies rather widely in a normal woman and they may not always be in the mood to have sex.

Further still, John had a problem of infidelity. He slept with other women and this frustrated Lorena even more.

The frustrating sex issues were compounded by money issues. Lorena reported that sometimes John used her money without consent.

Lorena was acquitted by the court. It was clear that John Bobbitt had traumatised her and that she went into transient insanity making her act irrationally. 

And so we should desist from blanket condemnation of Nyeri women. We do not know why they are chopping off their men’s penises. The John and Lorena Bobbitt case is a great lesson to couples. When your partner feels frustrated and traumatised psychologically and emotionally they can choose to take any action. This can be prevented if you respect your partner and treat her with dignity.

“Well, in that case I have no reason to fear,” said Tim as we concluded the session, “my wife knows that I treat her like a queen.”

Yes, and those men who treat women like trash should be very worried indeed irrespective of whether they are married to Nyeri or other women, because a frustrated woman can be driven to do anything.