PERSONAL FINANCE: Embrace the change of success

Success changes people. Let’s just accept that. Let me tell you a story about (let’s call her) Loyce. Loyce is a regional director at a multinational company. She started from the bottom and has worked her way to the top.

Loyce’s ambitions have not died and there are still many things she wants to accomplish, including starting a foundation. Loyce is disciplined, manages time well, is a natural leader, and is always looking to advance herself. She consistently makes a point of meeting people she can learn from and does a course at least once every two years. In addition she makes an enviable seven-figure income.

She has a good lifestyle but is also an avid investor. She is proudly wealthy (her words). Her family life is good and her children have the benefit of attending great schools.

THE TRANSFORMATION

About five years ago, she used to spend time with people she considered good friends. They would spend a lot of time together, share their ups and downs, talk about people, and complain about the world, like most friends do. Most of those friendships have faded away.

This started when one of the heads of department at her company had to relocate and she applied and was chosen to replace this head.

She quickly realised the potential in her role and committed to giving it her best shot, and so her time became very stretched. She found she could not attend each and every luncheon, outing, baby shower, wedding, chama meeting and so forth.

She then noticed that her friends would avoid her even when she could make it. In time, and from reliable sources, she found that the conversations about her tended to go like this: “Loyce does not want to hang out with most of us anymore.” “Loyce is arrogant and looks down on us.” “Loyce only wants to be seen with people at her level.” “Loyce only wants to go to expensive places these days.” “Loyce has changed.”

If I could address Loyce’s friends, this is what I would tell them: Experiences change people. What would be the point of having these experiences if they did not serve the purpose of making us grow?

When we grow, we change, just the same way a 14-year-old is a different person from when they were four. Loyce’s perspective has shifted. Once she became a head of department, she was responsible for other people, budgets, and so forth. This is called exposure. She saw life differently, and acceptance of this change is what propelled her forward.

KINDRED SPIRITS

Truth is, maybe shallow conversations are no longer appealing to her. Loyce will want to hang out with people who think like her and are also growing in their own right. This is not about having similar titles at work or even similar incomes.

One of the people she stayed very close with is a stay-at-home mum who now wants to pursue a business venture. Loyce says they share common ground:  their perspective on life, family, as well as ambitions in business.

They learn a lot from each other. I would think friends would be clever enough to realise what intellectual resource they have in Loyce.

I would also tell Loyce’s ex friends that she changed as she discovered her values. She is an ambitious person who will thrive in the presence of progressive people. Others may progress in work, others in business, others in learning, others in family, but

progress is evident somewhere. Maybe people who actually have time to meet and complain about others are no longer in line with what she values in relationships with people. There is serious lack of ambition when the highlight of your day is talking about

others. Sometimes we do this because it masks our own insecurity. Gossip makes us feel better for a moment; then we don’t have to deal with what is not happening in our own lives.

A DIFFERENT STANDARD

As for the complaint about Loyce’s standards of living: She has the right to enjoy her hard earned money as she pleases. Interestingly enough, she has not really changed the kind of places she likes to go to so it turns out that this may be just another excuse to avoid her. Yes, once in while she does treat herself, which has nothing to do with, others, and she would never impose that on others. Some become arrogant because of the money.

That’s negative change. This was not Loyce. She did not let the titles or money become her identity. She did not look down on people because of her success and neither did she have a superiority complex.

Interesting how change is accepted with negative experience such as loss. We associate it with words like ‘stronger’, ‘wiser’, etc. However change becomes a bad thing when it’s a positive such as Loyce’s. That’s when ‘arrogant’ and other words that this paper will not print are used. We can’t have our cake and eat it. Accept change both ways.

So why am I talking about perceptions of success in a money column? If you don’t accept the change that comes with success, you cannot create wealth. Wealth creation, more than the money, is about growth of character.

A Sh100 mind cannot make or hold on to Sh1 million. Be willing to change and be willing to let go of small-minded people. Sometimes the season for certain relationships comes to an end. Don’t feel condemned because you’ve been told you have changed especially when you know it’s positive for you. Let them be. Run your own race. Change!