FLAKES: A surplus of Katherines

Whenever I see the title of John Green’s bestselling book, An Abundance of Katherines, I am tempted to buy a copy simply because this has been the story of my life.

For some reason the name “Katherine” (and all its variants) has captured the hearts of all too many mums across the world making it one of the most popular girl names in history. If all the variants were lumped together, instead of being split into Kathleen,

Katherine, Karen, Catherine and Kathryn, it would be the second most popular name this century, after Mary. Since I was baptised Mary Katherine it is clear that my parents were trying to make me as common as possible! (By the way, John, people who live

in glass houses should not throw stones, “John” is far more abundant than “Katherine” and is outstripped only by “James” as a common male name!)

Apparently the excitement with the name Catherine began with the mythical Saint Catherine of Alexandra, also known as Saint Catherine of the Wheel and The Great Martyr Saint Catherine.

This lady apparently led a quiet and studious life as the daughter of the Governor of Alexandria until she became a Christian at age 14. After this she became a prominent evangelist and such a thorn in the flesh of Emperor Maxentius that he took the rather

drastic step of beheading her. The plot thickens when some claim that her body was discovered 800 years later with hair still growing on her head and healing oil coming out of the corpse!

Why mothers would want to name their daughters after such a dramatic heroine remains a mystery to me. However, my research has revealed that most famous Katherines are stunningly beautiful actresses, models and princesses with a very few plain women who have dedicated their lives to other disciplines mixed in. I am surprised that none of these actresses have demanded to have a film made about the life of the original Catherine, who certainly had the right level of showmanship to merit such an honour!

If the motive for all this naming lies in the meaning of the name rather than previous holders of the label, then most people feel that the label is rooted in the Greek katheros meaning pure (funny, it has a similar meaning in my mother tongue!) However, having

once shared a flat with five other Katherines, (and I have told that story before so I shall not repeat it) the chances that a Katherine is purer than your average young woman are quite slim!

However, according to urbandictionary.com, one thing that most people agree on, is that Katherines have a keen sense of humour. If you are one of those people cursed with this common moniker I hope you will enjoy this joke which I found on jokebuddha.com:

After 40 years of marriage, Conran decides to leave Katherine. When she discovers his intentions she weeps with chagrin and cries out, “How dare you do this, Conran? Have you forgotten the first year we were together?

You caught pneumonia and almost died! Who sat by your bed all night and nursed you back to health? And then the following year there was that awful car accident when you lost several family members! Who organised the funeral and comforted you

through all the grief? Then remember that 10 years later there was a stock market crash and you lost all your money. Who went out to work and supported you and our family as we clawed our way out of debt for the next five years? And what about when

you retired and our kids left home and stopped visiting? Who stayed faithfully by your side and kept you company? I did all that for you, how can you leave me now in my old age!? Conran replied, “Honestly Katherine, after all the bad luck you’ve brought

me, I want to be happy for a change.”

Since there are too many Katherines and I haven’t been able to discover anything good about the name, I would like to declare an informal moratorium on the name.

Don’t name any babies “Katherine” this weekend!