How can I break the curse my girlfriend put on me?

I am 26 years old. I dated this single mother for two years, but lost interest in her when I found out who the father of her child was. She wanted me to marry her but I refused because she works in the same neighbourhood as her baby’s father, so I suspected that she was still seeing him behind my back; that is why I broke up with her.

By the time we were breaking up, I owed her some money and she told me to pay her back, but I did not. She told me that she would make sure that I would never marry and that she would kill me. Since we broke up, I have dated three girls but they all end up leaving me for no reason. My longest relationship since my break-up with the single mother lasted two months.

My ex is now married and her friends normally tell me that she is always asking them about me. Did this woman curse me? Is she the reason why I cannot be in a long-term relationship?

What can I do to break the curse? I need your advice because I am suffering.

READERS ADVICE:

In this day and age, you should not believe in curses. When people break up, they say all manner of things. When your ex said she would kill you, you should have reported that to the police, just in case she makes good her threat in future.

Secondly, you should pay back every shilling you owe her; this will help you cut ties with her because you will no longer feel guilty about it. Thirdly, the survival of a relationship depends on the parties in it.

Evaluate your love life and try to figure out where the problem with your dating is and fix it. If the relationships break due to a certain behaviour on your part, work on eliminating that behaviour. Wishing you the very best. Calvin Queens

Pay back what you owe your ex then move on with your life. Your ex cannot force you to love her. Even if your ex cursed you, you can break that curse through prayer.

As for having short-term relationships, that is what dating is all about, you date different women as you keep on the lookout for someone who is compatible with you, to make a future wife. Evans Matasia

You sound like a man with no self-esteem and who wants to get married for the wrong reasons. Abandoning your relationship just because your girlfriend was living in the same neighbourhood with her ex shows that you did not genuinely love her. You need to shed that mentality that your ex jinxed your love life. If you entertain such thoughts, they will always come in the way of a healthy relationship with other women.

You also need to ask yourself whether you really want to get married, your reasons for wanting to get married and whether you are ready for that kind of commitment. Before looking to get into a serious relationship, take time to heal and review your weaknesses that could be hindering your relationships. Juma Felix

Your ex has nothing to do with your current unsatisfactory love life. Her words were nothing but mere threats to keep you from dumping her. Nevertheless, there could be a problem that is hindering your subsequent relationships.

Reassess all those relationships and try to figure out what went wrong and what led to the break-ups. You could also pray to God who controls our lives and ask him to give you a wife. All the best!  Andrew Kiriago

EXPERT ADVICE

Maurice Matheka, a relationship counsellor answers:

The words exchanged between you and your ex are just that, words. Not curses. Her words probably haunt you because of the guilt eating you up after you refused to pay back what you owe your ex. As for why you have a high turnover of partners, it is possible that you are looking for something in the women you date but you have not found it yet.

This is because you dumped your ex for no good reason, and for some reason you can’t find someone to replace her.

Once you date your new catch for a little while, you soon lose interest and begin the search all over again. The women you date can tell that you only have one foot in the relationship, so they also do not take you seriously.

You need to take a chill pill and ask yourself what you truly want from a relationship. Are your expectations realistic and are you ready to commit to your partner? The answers to those questions will help you move forward.

Next week’s dilemma: My husband has an eight-year-old son from a previous relationship. The boy was living with his maternal grandmother before, but she dumped him at my mother-in-law’s place, where he has lived for three years. My husband provides everything for the child, but doesn’t want anything to do with him. He never even talks about the boy, and I only found out about him from my sister-in-law.

My mother-in-law wants the boy to come and live with us, but my husband will hear none of it. How do I deal with this situation without falling out with either my husband or my mother-in-law?

I also don’t feel ready to be thrust into the world of being a stepmother, so I don’t want the boy to come live with us. Please advise me.