HEART ADVICE: How do I get my baby daddy to love his child?

This week our single mother wants to know how she can make the absent father of her child want to spend time with his daughter. PHOTO| FILE| NATION MEDIA GROUP

What you need to know:

  • When I talk to my friends they say I should sue him but I don’t want to go the adversarial way and force him to see his child; I am afraid he may do something bad to her out of resentment.
  • I want him to want to see and take care of his child. How do I make him want to be a father without having to make the courts force him?

Q: I have a two-year-old daughter and an absent baby daddy. He has not seen his child since the second month after her birth. I have tried asking him for child support and to spend time with his child, but to no avail. When I talk to my friends they say I should sue him but I don’t want to go the adversarial way and force him to see his child; I am afraid he may do something bad to her out of resentment. I want him to want to see and take care of his child. How do I make him want to be a father without having to make the courts force him?

 

READERS' REPLY

I think you should go to court because if the baby daddy left that long ago then he probably moved on and there is no way on earth you will get him to love his child. Just take the child support money which he will be asked to provide by the court after you sue him. Don’t try to settle this outside court; he might be playing tricks and you will lose the money and his love for the child.Tedd Chege, via email.

 

I know how frustrating it is for a child to grow without both parents. This is however an issue that involves both parents. It is important to ask yourself if you truly are giving room for a conducive environment for your baby daddy to interact with his daughter. If all you can say that you are but still he is not interested, consider involving a friend who can talk to him and share your request. Good luck. Calvin Queens, via email.

 

It’s so sad to see a man abandon his own blood and pretend that nothing is happening. Dear lady, if you are financially stable, take care of your daughter. Stop chasing him to see her. Don’t even dare take him to court; he might defeat you. There are so many single mothers who take care of themselves. They pay their bills and life continues. It’s not the end of the world. Try it and thank me later. Vivian Aluse, via email.

 

 

EXPERT ADVICE

Maurice Matheka, a relationship counsellor answers:

The fact is you cannot force a man to be active in his own child’s life; you can only hope they see the sense of being there and make that decision on their own. In relation to child support, you can break down what you need every month and hope they comply, or you can seek the legal route to secure the financial aspect of raising your child. If he has not seen his child after almost two years it’s time you found out why. Is he just not bothered? Does he feel it’s a burden or is there another reason for him being absent in your baby’s life?

 

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NEXT WEEK’S DILEMMA

My man cheats on me and I have resigned myself to it; that’s ok. I don’t want to leave him because I don’t think I can start again as a single woman; where do I even start? Besides, all men cheat so let me just stay with this devil I know. Anyway, despite all this, I have tried to be a good wife and yet he is always accusing me of cheating on him. This happens whenever I get home late from work, or I answer my phone in his presence, or just ask him if I can spend some time with my friends. I used to think it was because he loved me, but now I am, feeling stifled and unhappy. How do I convince him that there is no one else in my life?