Q: Maurice, thank you for your good work. I want to know the best way of getting over one’s insecurities. I have been single for a long time and I would really like to be in a relationship, but every time a man approaches me I think he must be up to something fishy. Either I just keep attracting fishy men, or I have a problem with insecurities. What can I do to leave the door open so that a truly trustworthy man can come my way?
Such insecurities are never imagined, neither are they dreams. Your mind seems to be full of what you were told by others concerning their failed lives. Now you feel yours won’t work either. A relationship is built on strong foundations for it to last. Forget people’s stories. Throw fear out of the window and focus on finding love. Dennish, via email.
There is no formula for getting over your insecurities unless you give those men who come into your life a chance. No man has a face painted “I am trustworthy.” Problem here is not the men; you seem to have some unfinished business in your life and unless you deal with it first, then you will always feel insecure. Good luck!
Wairimu M. I., via email.
Establishing a relationship with insecurities is problematic. First you need understand the reason behind your insecurities. Could it be because of any previous heartbreak you encountered when dating? Or is it just inborn? Understanding this will help you know how to handle your predicament before you establish another relationship. Secondly, know that you are a perfect individual with all it takes to have a desirable relationship with a man of your choice. You may also consider visiting a counselor for more advice on the way forward.
Juma Felix via email.
Maurice Matheka, a relationship counsellor answers:
In my opinion, insecurities are at times our way of protecting ourselves but also, insecurity can crush a relationship in its infancy. What I suggest is that you keep the door open for those men but don’t assume by some magic that that trustworthy guy will turn up just like that. It is upon you to filter the men that approach you by owning part of the courtship process. As a woman you need to ask the vital questions that reflect the expectations you have towards a man in a relationship with you. It’s the only way to filter the good from the rubbish.
NEXT WEEK’S DILEMMA
Hi Maurice. I introduced my best friend to a guy five months ago. The worst part is that this guy is married and his wife is due to give birth in some weeks. My girlfriend doesn’t know any of this. I know all of this don’t want to shatter her because for the last few months, this guy has been her world. I have tried to convince him to tell my friend the truth or else I will do it, but he has pleaded with me not to. She is my friend and I feel guilty about this whole mess. Should I go ahead and tell my friend the truth?