AUNT TRUPHENA: How do we overcome the trauma of our son’s death?
It is exactly one year since our two-year-old son passed away after a short illness. We are grateful for the time we shared while he was still alive, but ever since he died we have suffered no shortage of difficult interactions. PHOTO| FILE
What you need to know:
Note that this may be less restorative for you than evaluating why they trigger these emotions.
The best thing to do is to ignore the clumsiness of others and cut short unhelpful exchanges.
It is exactly one year since our two-year-old son passed away after a short illness. We are grateful for the time we shared while he was still alive, but ever since he died we have suffered no shortage of difficult interactions.
Soon after our son’s death, people were very careful around us. Now that sensitivity has waned. Some people snub us on the streets, while others throw us some very insensitive comments.
My husband and I feel so alone in the world and we also struggle with happy life events such as birth announcements and weddings. How do we move forward from here?
I can sense that you are still in pain following the death of your only child. It is evident that you and your husband did not go through the mourning process. It is important that you go through loss and grief therapy from a counsellor.
The people around you seem to be a painful reminder of the death of your son, but the real issue is that you have not accepted the harsh reality of your loss.
When you both agree that your son died, mourn and accept to move on, the outside world will no longer be a source of grief for you. Concerning your family and friends, please realise that some of them may not find the right words to comfort you.
They may lack the correct vocabulary and avoid you out of fear of saying the wrong thing. It also looks like you are judging the others who may have courage to talk to you but use what you feel as the “wrong words.”
Note that this may be less restorative for you than evaluating why they trigger these emotions. The best thing to do is to ignore the clumsiness of others and cut short unhelpful exchanges.
Surround yourself with people who understand you and who will offer the emotional support that you need and set the boundaries for such interactions. And then try to be compassionate with yourself and your partner – your form of grieving may be entirely
subjective, but your pain is shared. This trying time should not separate you but rather draw you closer. Wishing you the all the best.
