I am in love with my colleague; what to do?

Friday September 8 2017

This week’s young woman is struggling with her

This week’s young woman is struggling with her feelings for someone she works with. PHOTO| FILE| NATION MEDIA GROUP 

By MAURICE MATHEKA
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Q: I think I am in love with my colleague and I don’t know what to do. I don’t know much about him – whether he is married or dating, or anything else – but I like how he is at work. My problem is that I don’t know what to do next. Should I tell him how I feel? Wait for him to notice me? Try to find out about him from everyone else? If I tell him how I feel and he says he doesn’t feel the same way, how will I survive coming to work every day? How should I take things from here?

READERS REPLY:

A relationship at work is a tricky thing to attempt. It demands great courage to make a move on a colleague. This is because you will be seeing this person all the time – and this is someone who knows, or will know, all your secrets. But if you are convinced that you really need to see this guy, go ahead and make a move. Gone are the days when men making a move on a woman was the order of the day. We are in a generation where women are also free to express their feelings towards a man. Do this with great care though. Observe the 90-day rule and before getting intimate with him, make sure you have a glimpse of his relationship status to avoid being used for sexual benefits since you will only end up frustrated and cursing men. All the best. Calvin Queens, via email.

 

If you are interested in this person, try to get to know him a bit more to see if a relationship can work between you both. Since you said he is your workmate, observe his character, attitude towards other people, give a careful ear to what people are saying about him, and few others that’ll help you understand him better. Once you have enough information, make a wise decision. James Njoki, via email.

 

It is never a good idea to go down that route with a colleague. If it doesn’t work out in future – which it might not even if he is a good man and totally single – then you will be stuck having to face him until one of you quits your job. What if, after you break up, you find out that he is marrying someone else – or what if you happen upon his new girlfriend coming to visit him? It will make it harder to heal. I suggest you stay away completely and just focus on your job, and on finding love with someone you don’t work with. Selina Aoko, via email.

Life is short, and you never know – this could be the man for you. It is unfortunate that you work together which could make things complicated, but why don’t you try to find an opportunity to get to know him? After that, evaluate the pros and cons and see if it worth it being involved with him. You might also want to consult your HR to see what the policy on office relationships is. Steve Mwilu, via email.

EXPERT ADVICE

I believe you have a strong attraction for your colleague but I would advise that you refrain from jumping the gun. Do not ask around because there is a high chance that there will be a lot of speculation about him. If you really want to know him then find an angle and ask him out for lunch or coffee. It is better is get to know him on a one on one basis – that way you will be able to judge whether you have a chance with him or not. In case your attraction is more of infatuation, you will be able to determine whether your desire for him can actually be sustained long term. Remember, your current lure is based on your office perception of him and you never know; once you get to know him your feelings may diminish.