I find my girlfriend’s constant chatter tiring

I am a man of few words but I have a very talkative girlfriend. I give her everything she wants, but she keeps accusing me of being unromantic because I don’t talk much. She wants to chat all day on WhatsApp and to keep calling me to talk throughout the day but I find it all very tiring.

Now she is angry and she claims that I don’t value her or love her because sometimes I ignore her messages. I do love her, but sometimes, actually most times, I just don’t want to talk and I want my peace and quiet especially at the end of a long day, but she doesn’t seem to understand that.

Now I’m wondering if our relationship can really work. I thought we were a perfect pair, because she does most of the talking while I do the listening, but I’m not so sure anymore. We’ve only been together for six months. Can this relationship really work?

How can we make it work without any of us resenting the other?

READERS’ ADVICE

Yours is a small matter that can be sorted out if you change your approach. First of all, appreciate your girlfriend’s candour in sharing her feelings with you without fear. Secondly, remember that relationships thrive on communication, and while your girlfriend is doing her part, which comes naturally for her, unfortunately it is one-sided as you refuse to do your part. Women need attention and timely responses.

When a man they are dating doesn’t communicate, it fills them with doubt and they wonder if you really love them or not. They also feel as though you are not serious about them.

Providing for her is not enough, you have to talk to her and engage her, so don’t leave it to her to start all the conversations, play your part and start some of the conversations yourself.

Moreover, don’t ignore her calls or messages, but respond in a timely manner. There are so many things to talk about and if you’re open to doing what it takes to make things work, you will be able to develop a part of you that you think doesn’t exist. You

can read up on the art of conversation online and in books and get materials on conversation starters to help you learn and practise. For instance, the Book of Questions by Gregory Stock, can be a starting point to help you explore different topics in depth.

Make an effort and you’ll see positive changes in your relationship. Communication is key.  Movince Oduor

You can’t lack at least 30 minutes out of your day to chat with your girlfriend, for instance when you are in traffic before you get to the office and after you leave work. Set aside time every day to talk to your girlfriend, and make it sacred such that nothing can interfere with that time. What your girlfriend wants is your attention and time; providing for her isn’t everything.

George Kariuki

Don’t be too busy for your relationship. Create time for your girlfriend, even if you just take five minutes to call her, then another 10 minutes to chat with her. Don’t imagine giving your girlfriend everything she needs will keep her glued to you; women like men they can talk with. If you refuse to talk, you will miss out on many good women. This woman loves you; give her some attention. Mary Duya

You need to sit down and discuss and understand your different personalities. Being the quiet one or the talkative one doesn’t make you better or worse than your partner. However, if the relationship is to work, you need to understand each other, your differences and similarities, and how to handle each other and make it work despite your differences. Hon Njenga Rufus

Women want a cheerful guy, so you need to find it in you to talk to your girlfiend. Roman Junior

EXPERT ADVICE

Maurice Matheka, a relationship counsellor answers:

It is not a matter of whether your relationship can work; it is more about whether you are compatible or not. From your narration, your girlfriend seems to be much younger than you and also seems to have a lot of spare time on her hands.

Your difference in maturity and the way you understand things may be contributing to your problems. Reality is also hitting you as the lovey-dovey stage where you see no wrong in each other wanes.

My take is that if one of you has to act a part to satisfy the other, which society refers to as sacrifice, it will inevitably lead to resentment. Tell her to take you as you are or free her to seek love elsewhere with a man she actually meshes with.

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NEXT WEEK’S DILEMMA

I have been married for 10 years and I have three kids. My husband recently got a transfer to work in another town and he is saying that I should quit my job and follow him there if I am really his wife.

Doing that will mean that I’ll be a housewife for a while as I look for a new job in the new locality and the prospects are not looking good. My problem is that my husband is moody; he is good sometimes, but sometimes he insults me and refuses to pay the bills saying that I also have a job so I can as well pay the bills or ask my parents to send me money if I can’t. 

He earns much more than I do, but I’m worried that if I quit my job, my husband might mistreat me and refuse to provide for me even though he has promised to cater for everything during the time I will be unemployed. Should I stay put at my job and

struggle with my kids if he refuses to support us as he has threatened or should I quit and follow him to his new workstation to keep my marriage and hope for the best? I’m confused.