I had an abortion behind my husband’s back

Q: My husband and I have three children. I recently fell pregnant by mistake and felt it would be too much for us to handle another child and secretly had an abortion.

I felt very guilty about it and felt that I can’t bear it anymore so after some months I told my husband what I had done.

Our relationship has changed. He doesn’t talk to me and nothing happens in our marriage including sex.  He is so distant. I feel more guilty and lonely. What do I do?

A: What you are going through is some of the negative reactions that some women who have an abortion experience.

But the thing is, you have already done what you did, and what you need to do now is structure a way to move forward. The first thing I think you need to do is find it in your heart to forgive yourself for how you hurt your husband.

You will not be able to move forward otherwise. Living in a state of denial will make the situation worse.

Forgiveness of self will help you deal with it, move on and have a fresh start. Kindly consider visiting a counsellor who will help you go through the process.

Then, gather the courage to have a sincere conversation with him. Let him know that he has a right to get angry with you and accept responsibility for your actions, ask him to forgive you and allow you a second chance to win your trust. Accept remorsefully that you terminated his child without his consent. Give him time to process all this and don’t let him feel obligated to forgive you.

Keep in mind that trust is earned, meaning that you must make every effort to make your husband trust you again.

Be prepared for the decision your husband might make, including that he may not forgive you. If he forgives you, then your relationship will be restored. 

Wishing you healing and success in your marriage.