Is it time for you to go for couples’ therapy?

Healthy relationships are characterised by highs and lows. Sometimes a couple will not have the tools to deal with the challenges that rock their union and they may wait, trying to fix it by themselves such that by the time they give in there is so much damage done that its harder to get the relationship back together.

How can you know that it’s time to call in the professionals before it’s too late?

When you stop talking – It’s okay to fight. Sometimes these fights will even escalate and voices will be raised, it is normal.

It means that a couple is communicating. They may not be doing it the right way but they are communicating.

When you stop communicating, when you stop saying anything, it is a big sign of trouble and therapy may be the way to get the communication going again. Another sign that you are not communicating are avoidance patterns that keep either you or your significant other away from home on purpose.

STUMBLING BLOCK

When you see him as the antagonist Regardless of whether you are in a good place or going through a rough patch, a couple should be always be on the same team.

When you begin feeling like your significant other is an adversary, it may be time to seek help. At this point arguments are characterised by personal stabs and name-calling.

Can’t let go of the past – Every now and then a couple will experience a traumatic experience like an affair or the loss of a child.

It’s normal to grieve but each party is supposed to be able to move on. It is a bad sign if one of you can’t let go of this event. It may indicate that this person did not adequately process the trauma and may need help to do that.

Same stumbling blocks day after day Fighting is healthy in a relationship. It’s however a cause for concern if you find yourselves fighting about the same issues day after day.

It may be that he comes home late or you lie about money and shop impulsively. The fact that you keep fighting about it without resolution shows that you may need outside intervention to reach a solution.

Going round in circles may be a sign of individual issues that are being projected onto the relationship.

Therapy in this instance may not remove the problem but it will minimise the effect that this issue has on your relationship.

Staying together for the children – It is a wake-up call when a couple realises that they are staying together only for the sake of their children. Most couples imagine that this selfless act is a good decision but oftentimes it is more detrimental to the children involved.

At this point a neutral third party may help a couple resolve their issues and move on to a positive relationship or make any other decision that will be best for the children.

INABILITY TO FUNCTION

It is time to seek help if the fights and the tension in your relationship have escalated to the point of either party missing work or  discontinuing personal or household maintenance.

This may endanger the financial and even physical stability of the couple in question. Major life transitions – The relationship may be in a good place but major life transitions like having a new baby, a serious illness, a parent of either partner moving in to live with the couple, job loss or even transition of a relationship into a long-distance one will upset this balance especially if a relationship is already shaky.

It is wise for a couple to seek the help of a therapist to help them plan in advance to stay on the same page during this transition.

The purpose of therapy isn’t always to fix the relationship. While it sometimes works to remind a couple why they fell in love, some relationships are unsalvageable and going for therapy allows a couple to see that being apart is the healthiest decision.