MY STORY: It’s hard being the sole provider

“I’m a single mum. Rita, my daughter, is three years old. Rita and I live with my parents in Kangundo town, in Machakos County. My father is a retired primary school teacher and my mother is a housewife. I am the fifth child in a family of eleven – three of my brothers and my younger sister are still at home in Kangundo. I work casual jobs as a waitress. The jobs are not consistent and they don’t pay well. Right now, I don’t have a job.

“I am really struggling to raise my daughter. I was living in Nakuru when I gave birth to her. I had moved there after high school to live with my cousin. I lived with her for six months then got a job as a waitress in a restaurant. I worked from 6am to 6pm every day, earning about Sh6,000 every month. I later moved out of my cousin’s into my own place.

“I met my boyfriend in early 2013. He had come into the restaurant to eat. He had a plate of chips and samosa, and also bought some for me. He was a gentleman and a good companion. I fell in love with him a few weeks after we’d met. We had a loving relationship, and I was ready to settle down with him in marriage and raise our own family together. I believe he wanted the same things with me. He didn’t have a job when we were together but that didn’t bother me.

“Everything changed in April 2013 when I discovered I was pregnant. My boyfriend wasn’t happy to hear about the pregnancy; he told me not to keep it. I had mixed reactions – I was worried because I wasn’t financially stable but I was also excited that I would be getting a child with him.

“But he left me when I was five months pregnant. I never heard from him again. My heart was in so much pain. I used to cry myself to sleep every night. I was so stressed throughout my pregnancy that I lost 10 kilos.

“I worked until I was seven months pregnant, to December 2013. I had my daughter on March 3, 2014. I’ll never forget that day. My friends were there to support me through labour and delivery. I had a natural birth with no complications – thank God – and the hospital where I delivered was free of charge. I’d always had this fear that I would die while giving birth because of my excess weight loss, but Rita was a healthy 4.9 kilos. My heart swelled with joy when I held her in my arms for the first time. She had come during the most painful and weakest point of my life. I vowed that the best thing I could do was to love her.

SURVIVAL

“I didn’t have any money so one of my friends took me in. Her name is Mama Mercy. Mama Mercy was 40 years old, a single mum with two kids. I would do the washing and cleaning around the house and she would pay me something small for it. She also encouraged me to stay strong and work hard for my daughter. I took Rita to live with my mum in Kangundo when she was one month old. It was hard letting go. My mum opened her heart to her and warmly took her in.

“I went back to waitressing and later moved back home to Kangundo when Rita was a year and a half old. My family was very supportive – my big sister especially, she’s also a single mum – and I am grateful to them.

“What puts me down is that I cannot buy for my daughter the things she wants. [Juliana’s voice starts to quiver and her lips tremble. She looks down into her open palms, as if wishing they’d do more for her than just stare back. Tears roll down her cheeks. She sighs wearily as she grabs a red scarf from her bag then wipes her tears away. She sobs into her scarf for a few minutes before composing herself to continue sharing.]

“I remember one Christmas when I was at work. I called her on phone and she told me to buy for her ‘smarty’. ‘Smarty’ means a dress. I didn’t have any money to buy her a dress. I felt so bad. Nowadays she likes shoes and cars. Sometimes, when she sees a car passing, she’ll point at it and say, ‘Gari ya Mum!’ [Juliana breaks down again.]

“I show her a lot of love instead. I teach her that there are things money cannot buy and that she shouldn’t put too much value in material things. She loves to sing. Before she sleeps, she’ll sing for me the songs learned in church. Like ‘Baby Jesus’ and ‘Ukipenda wenzetu’. It makes me so happy to hear her sing. [Juliana chuckles.]

“My dream is to become a pastor and live in a nice house. I also want to have money to buy for my daughter the things I wasn’t able to when she was little. I want to start a foundation that supports single mums like me who were rejected by their partners; I wouldn’t want another girl to go through the pain and struggle I have gone through, alone.

“Young girls should abstain from pre-marital sex. If you must have sex, wait until you are making your own money and can support yourself. To the men who are not supporting their pregnant girlfriends or their children, your girlfriend needs emotional support from you; that’s what I wanted most from my boyfriend. To the single mums, ask for help from your family and friends; believe me, they will support you.”