MANTALK: It’s a trap!

Men beware, if a woman asks you any of these questions, she’s setting you up. FILE PHOTO |

What you need to know:

  • Most times they are rigged with booby traps. One touch and boom!
  • And then more questions that get you firmly in a hole, feeling defensive and guilty because you were made to say things you don’t mean while you were trying not to say the things you meant.
  • It’s all so complicated.

Is there anything more frustrating than answering a woman’s questions? I can’t think of a single thing. The questions come out of the blue. They are difficult and they seem to be wandering aimlessly, going nowhere, when in fact they have arrived at their

destination. Most times they are rigged with booby traps. One touch and boom! And then more questions that get you firmly in a hole, feeling defensive and guilty because you were made to say things you don’t mean while you were trying not to say the

things you meant. It’s all so complicated. The thing is, there are no right or wrong answers. In fact, she already knows the answers; she’s just checking if you’re smart enough to give a different answer. Unfortunately, we are never smart enough … If you’

re wondering what questions these are, here they are:

 

What are you thinking?

You can’t say “nothing” even though you aren’t really thinking about anything. If you say nothing she will say you never want to share your feelings and thoughts, that you are secretive and that she is the only one in that relationship who opens up. She will

make you feel like an emotionally-unavailable or selfish villain. Or all of the above.

 

Why is she calling you now?

This happens when another woman calls you at a time she feels isn’t appropriate. Say 7pm. You don’t know why the caller chose to dial your number at that time, and maybe you will know if your girlfriend stops hovering over you with that thin lip and let

you pick the call. I wish women would use their famous sixth sense to find out why the woman on the line is calling at that time; that way we won’t spend a night being held accountable for decisions other people make.  Unless of course that isn’t a question

but an accusation. Wait, it is an accusation!

 

Should I lose some weight?

This is a tricky one because indeed she needs to lose some weight. But you aren’t going to be the one who puts his neck on the chopping board, are you? No ma’am, you learnt the hard way. She isn’t happy with her weight because she didn’t stick to the gym routine or diet plan, and now she needs someone to blame and guess who is around for that? So let’s say you answer yes, she will ask you if you find her fat and that will go south in a matter of seconds. If you tell her she doesn’t need to lose weight she will pester you and ask, “but si if I lost like only two kilos it would be okay?” It’s a trap of course. Don’t say anything. Go to the loo and don’t come out.

 

Would you cheat on me?

I don’t know any man alive who would answer “yes” to this question, or any woman who would expect anything other than “no”. Normally, from my little experience with women, this question is always a symptom of something, a concern, a hint or a suspicion of something. They will ask this if they feel as if you are not being entirely forthright, or if there is a woman they feel is a threat. The trick is to find out what brought it up. Discreetly.

 

If your ex came back would you sleep with her?

Is she wearing a black dress and high heels and does she look as ravishing as the first time I met her? Is she wearing a scent on her wrists? Does she still wear her dresses without knickers? Does she still do Kegels and whatnot? Does she still drink cappuccino every morning because she swears that’s the secret to her glowing skin?

Well, the answer is no, darling. I wouldn’t sleep with her. I’m not mad.

 

If I died, would you date my friend Gloria?

“Is there a chance you might haunt me if you died?” You wonder. This question means: Do you find Gloria attractive? At this point it doesn’t even matter anymore, Gloria is dead meat. She has a question mark on her and this is a sign that you need to be

more careful around Gloria. You can’t laugh at Gloria’s jokes. You can’t hug her for more than two seconds. You can’t compliment her dress or hair. Gloria is dead to you.

 

Do you love me?

Classic.  Just classic.