My boyfriend is an addict; what do I do?

A man smokes a cigarette. Photo/FILE

What you need to know:

  • I also suggest that you visit a therapist where you can learn how to deal with his addiction. In case your boyfriend is not ready to quit, you must reconsider staying in this relationship.

Q: I am 23 years old. Four months ago, I started dating this handsome 26-year-old man who loves me very much. I love him too. He asked me to marry him and I said yes.

He is planning to introduce me to his family once his father returns from a work assignment abroad. My problem is that he is addicted to bhang and cigarettes. I love my man so much and I would not like to see him destroyed by drugs.

I have already shared my feelings with him, and he has tried to quit, unsuccessfully. My godfather, who is also a church teacher, has advised me to pray for him. What else can I do to help him? All I want is to see him healthy, safe and sound.

A: You seem to be truly in love with each other and that is why you have a strong desire to help your boyfriend, which is a step that I applaud.

The first thing that your boyfriend needs to realise is that he needs help. You can discuss the need for him to visit a drug addict psychologist and also consider joining a support group that deals with addiction.

Meanwhile, keep letting him know that you love him and you are ready to help him overcome this habit. While doing this, keep in mind that this is a sensitive issue to discuss thus it should be treated gently.

 PERSONAL DECISION

By and large, it is important to know that your boyfriend has to make all of those decisions on his own, so he cannot feel manipulated and blame you afterwards.

You can make suggestions and you can be supportive, but he has to make the decision to go for a therapy, to get rid of stuff, to change friends, among others. In other words, doing things for him is very co-dependent behaviour – he must do it for himself.

I also suggest that you visit a therapist where you can learn how to deal with his addiction. In case your boyfriend is not ready to quit, you must reconsider staying in this relationship.

Decide if this is the man you need to be married to. Remember, you have to look after yourself. Don’t be bitter or vicious toward him. Just tell him what you need to do to guarantee your own happiness. My best wishes.